This past Tuesday at 1 pm, a judge decided as to whether Goldilocks, the three-year-old cutie patootie we have been fostering, should return home to her family or continue to grace us with her presence a little while longer. Days before, while sitting alone and thinking about the upcoming court date, I asked my Mom if she would be okay if the judge ruled she should return home, and without hesitation, she looked back and said, “Are YOU going to be okay?”
Up until that moment, I hadn’t had time to think about how my life would change if she returned home. I hadn’t processed the fact that I might walk up to the courthouse holding her hand but walk away without it. I hadn’t thought about me, who is a creature of habit, would have my entire daily routine change once more in the blink of an eye. So I hadn’t really thought if I would be okay. But, for the last week, I have started preparing myself for an empty car seat on the way home; and I have been thinking a lot about if I would be okay.
Am I going to be okay with giving her one last squeeze before we go home in opposite directions? Am I going to be okay when I don’t hear the sounds of pitter-patter feet coming down the hallway or have her shadow next to mine as I water the flowers and feed the birds? Am I going to be okay not adding chicken nuggets, fruit snacks, and Tootsie Rolls (her favorite candy) to my weekly shopping list?
I think I would be okay, but I won’t know for sure…at least not for another month. The 34 inch tall, blonde hair cutie who loves to swing for hours, take wagon rides around the block and sing ‘Jesus Loves Me’ before bed will still be doing it with me tomorrow. She stays…for now. And so for now, I’m okay.
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This must be a really hard situation to be in. I know she brings you so much joy and sounds like such a cutie. Prayers for protection of your heart no matter what happens 🙂
Yes it is a toughie for us. We are not interested in adoption, especially since she has two other siblings and grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. who also love her, but at the same time she has gotten so used to being here. I think it would be harder on her than us at this point.
Trusting Jesus during all of this!!!!! He knows the exact time you will have her and praying it’s a smooth transition when things change again. Love you friend
Thanks girl! A smooth transition for this little one is going to be needed.
Whatever happens, you have had such an important impact on her life! You’ve loved like Jesus would (or as close as we can as mere humans) and she’ll never forget that feeling. You’ve brought her to church and just in general improved her life even if only for a time. Whatever happens, you are important to her.
Thank you! xoxo
It takes a strong person to love a child like your own and then walk away. I admire your strength
awe thanks girlie! It’s not always easy and I’m not always strong :/
You’re an angel for providing her with the safe haven she needs right now. I admire you for doing what you are doing.
Thank you. It’s not easy but God sure has provided me with the strength and endurance.
I hope her mum gets better soon. It will be best for them both. You are an angel for being so generous and taking such good care of her. xx
I agree! It’s been since January since we got her and the sooner the better for everyone.
Wishing everyone involved all the very best! <3 I am a CASA (court appointed special advocate) for a child in foster care and our next court date is in August. I think my guy will be staying home permanently, which is absolutely fabulous, but it is weird to think of how all lives will change then. Thank you for taking care of Goldilocks!
Oh I used to work for DCFS and have always had the utmost respect for CASA and Guardian Ad Litem people. Hats off to you guys 🙂
Thanks. I think being a foster parent is much more work!
I hope she is able to be reunited with her family soon, but I’m sure her family finds comfort in knowing their sweet little blonde-headed cutie is getting the best care and attention from you and your husband. What a blessing you have been to this little girl as her Mom gets back on her feet.
awe thank you! I think it does help her Momma knowing that we are doing everything we can to not make this process for her daughter to be too traumatic or upsetting. I’m just afraid she won’t want to return home…I try telling her everyday that soon she will get to go home so that it isn’t such a shocker when it does happen
Definitely a tough spot to be in…being torn between her being reunited with her mom and staying with you. I am glad she’s still with you, and I pray that when the time comes for her to go back to her mother, that you’ll be okay, that Goldilocks will be okay, and that Goldilocks’ mother will be okay. It will be difficult not to miss her, as I can tell both you and she have gotten attached to one another. She sounds like an easy little girl to get attached to!!! XO
Praying for Goldielocks momma! I am thankful Goldielocks has someone like you and Dan to watch her during this time in her life. You two will be greatly rewarded for your care and concern for this little one and all the little ones you have housed. Praying that while Goldielocks stays she is Held and while she returns she is Held by our Jesus!! Love you!
yes yes yes! Amen! That’s my prayer too that while she is here she feels the love of Jesus and as she returns home (whenever that may be) that she also feels that same love. hugs!
So happy that she stays for now!
🙂
Takes a special kind of person to be able to minister God’s love in this way to these precious children. Thanking Him for you and your awesome heart. I will keep all of you in my prayers.
awe thank you so much Megan! xo
How beautiful that you think of her family in such a way. I will certainly be praying for all of you! And I pray that God just allows you to fill every moment with her with joy and excitement
yes and amen! xo
Oh hon, you are just amazing! I have been so selfish when I’ve thought about you and Goldilocks and have wanted her to stay with you! And yet you are so right, it is best if she can go home to her family. I pray her mom can get back on her feet and so she can properly care for this special little girl. No matter what happens, she will never forget her time with you, ever. Having said that, I’m so happy you get a little more time with her and don’t have to find out how you will be without her just yet. Praying for all of you.
You are a strong woman! To be able to love selflessly and bring joy and security to a little one who so desperately needs it, knowing you will have to let her go. God’s Blessings surround you!
lump in my throat. you desiring what’s in her best interest – for her mom to get her life back on track and for Goldie to be reunited with her family…love your heart and perspective.
You and your hubs are such brave and beautiful people! Praying for y’all, precious Goldilocks and her Momma throughout this bittersweet time! Love you!
Thank you so much for your prayers!
Praying for you and your husband as you continue to care for her, and for Goldilocks to have peace when the time comes for her to return home. And praying for her mama to have strength. Such a tough situation, but what a gem you are for taking care of her. Hugs!
Thank you so much for your prayers. I am most worried about Goldilocks and her transition when the time comes. It’s two totally different worlds!
This post made me cry. My sister and her husband (who also has PCOS, has a 13 year old son and has not been able to have another child. 4 of us girls and we all have it. Blah!) have been fostering twins since they were newborn. They are now almost 4 and although they would adopt them in a heartbeat the plan is still to continue to work on returning them to their birth parents. It’s such a hard situation. My prayers are with you, your little girl, and her parents.
wow, four years?! That’s crazy! In the state of Illinois (and I thought most states) a parent had one year to complete their case plan…? What is the hold up for terminating their rights if it is taking them this long?
I have no idea. We are in Illinois too. :/