Waiting for Baby Bird

When You Are Still Pregnant Two Years Later

Today is a bit ironic. It’s the 17th. Which means it’s Josiah Day. But it’s also the second anniversary of the day I had my first beta test to determine if my first round of IVF had worked. I often think about that day. I remember it was a beautiful Thursday afternoon. The sun was beaming through the windows as I sat in the Taco Tierra parking lot listening to the nurse say, “Congratulations! You’re a Mom!”. I will never forget that moment, as tears of joy slowly streamed down my face and I gently rubbed my belly. I was a Mommy. I often think about the moments that followed when I hung up the phone and whispered to my lil duckling(s) that I loved them more than they would ever know. I remember making a promise that I would do everything and anything in my power to protect them as they journeyed through life. I often think about how I dashed to Walmart, Hobby Lobby, and Michaels in order to purchase items needed to surprise Daniel with a creative announcement, accompanied with a “Daddy Doody Kit”. I remember coming home, frantically putting together his gift and being so anxious and excited to surprise him with the news that I was finally expecting…we were finally going to be parents. I remember the smile he gave when he came home, opened the oven and realized he was a Daddy. I remember discussing nursery ideas, due dates, and names over a healthy meal of chicken fajitas that I had prepared. It was one of the happiest days of my life. dcffb-misc014f877d-misc01552009-misc0052d98e-misc018misc 019 misc 013 I also remember that a little over a week later, I miscarried. In my heartache, I threw away the “Daddy Doody Kit.” I tossed the positive pregnancy tests I was keeping as a keepsake in the trash. I quit talking about nursery ideas. And I wept. I wept for days, weeks, and off and on for months. My spirit and soul was crushed as I was unable to keep my promise to always protect. Last year was the first anniversary of that amazing day. I remember spending most of the day in tears as I grieved the happiness of that day and mourned the life or lives that should have been. I cried wondering what they would have looked like. Would he or she have had my eyes? What would their giggle have sounded like? Would they have been a momma’s boy or a daddy’s girl? May 17th had turned into a day of sadness rather than a day of remembering the celebration. But today, two years after I learned I was a mommy. And one year thereafter still grieving the loss. I am different. This day is different. God has turned my mourning into dancing. He has taken my weeping and turned it into laughing. He has taken my sadness and turned it into joy. He has given me a reason to smile and celebrate the 17th of May again as I can once again shout, “I’m expecting!”

For He settles the barren woman as a happy mother of children. Praise The Lord! ~Psalm 113:9

For those of you hyperventilating and flailing your arms around like a wounded bird, quickly grab a brown paper bag and calm down, because I’m not physically expecting. But rather in my spirit. Because I am pregnant with hope that God will fulfill all of His promises written within His word about fruitfulness and healing. And I am pregnant with faith that the promises He has personally made regarding my husband and I having a child, will be fulfilled. This is why today, I can still celebrate being pregnant.  With Love Today, I will give Daniel a new “Daddy Doody Kit” in faith that one day he will need to use it. And after I do? I plan on glowing as we talk nursery ideas. Middle names. And hopeful due dates.

The 2014 new and improved “Daddy Doody Emergency Kit”

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Pacifiers, Hand Sanitizer, Nose Plugs (for the stinky ones)

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Advil, Rolos, Butterfinger, Peanut M & M’s, and a 5 hour energy (ALL for daddy…hehe)

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Gloves, Face Mask, Safety Goggles (for the unexpected spray) , Poncho (never know how messy things can get), tongs (to dispose of diapers), baby powder, baby lotion, baby wash, diapers, and wipes.

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A onsie just in case of a blowout 😉

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52 thoughts on “When You Are Still Pregnant Two Years Later”

    1. Thanks sugars! You would be proud of me today. Everyone at the table was having a celebratory breakfast of pancakes, sausage biscuits and hashbrowns…I ate eggs and a sausage patty. sigh. I am calling my low carb/paleo diet the “Josiah Diet”. hehehe

  1. I love that onsie!!! I have a bib that says the same thing!!! I’m holding on to it in hopes that God will bless us with a little one to wear it. Happy Josiah day!!!

  2. (I waited patiently for the LORD; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry. brought me up also out of a horrible pit). This is probably a scripture you are familiar with. I have a friend who is in a waiting season right now. I was studying this verse yesterday and looked up the original meaning of this word “waited” and shared it’s definition with her. H6960 – A primitive root; to bind together (perhaps by twisting), that is, collect; (figuratively) to expect: – gather (together), look, patiently, tarry, wait (for, on, upon). Your post so closely resembles this…(gathering and collecting the promises of His Word; twisting, binding your mind and heart to conform to His will). Awesome post! Thanks for sharing! I am going to share with my friend 🙂

    1. I LOVE this verse…my dad made Josiah a step stool to use one day and underneath it he engraved this verse into the wood. I can’t wait for the day in which I can stand back and watch him brush his teeth or wash his hands on it 🙂 Makes me giddy thinking about it.

  3. My goodness girl! My heart started pounding and I almost stopped reading right there so I could text my friend! I love it that you say that you are expecting and pregnant with hope! Your faith is so refreshing!! 🙂

  4. wahoo Happy Josiah Day!! Expecting with you friend xoxo Cute kit, btw!!!! xoxo Hope you feel the Lord so present to you today!

    1. Thanks Twiny! We had a good day going to lunch and shopping around for the new place we are moving into today 🙂

    1. I give all glory to God for not being able to hang head my head low on this day. He truly has restored me and given me a new hope. xo

  5. It’s awesome to read your journey and to know that God has healed your heart and has filled it with hope! I’m believing right there with you!! Happy Josiah day!! Xoxo

  6. So happy to read your journey and to read how your heart is now filled with a new hope!! Love this and believing with you! I have a onesie hanging in my closet as a reminder that God will fulfill his promise and reading this just makes my heart smile!! Happy Josiah Day!!!

    1. That is awesome! Faith without works is dead! I can’t wait for you announcement one day either! God is faithful and can never lie!

  7. I can only imagine how thrilled our Lord is with you and your husband for joining Him in His joy over you. Your joy in your anticipation is contagious. I am flapping and flailing arms for you in the most undignified way over your spiritual overcomings!

    1. Awe thank you so much Elena!! I am so glad to have “met” you!! You are such a positive light and source of encouragement to me! hugs!

  8. Ok I was seriously having to choke back sobs while reading this! I’m sincerely sorry you and hubby had to go through this. But what joy that you are claiming victory! I’m sending a hug your way girl and praying your Josiah arrives soon!

  9. My hear skipped a beat. Either way I’m excited for you. Our God is faithful and those that wait on Him will not be put to shame. Your faith is inspiring. Happy Josiah Day!!

  10. I love your creativity—it’s fun to see the things you come up with. God’s Word is pregnant with power so I’m glad you are “pregnant with hope” while you stand on His Word! Happy Josiah Day!

    1. Thank you Evangeline! You are partly the reason why I can stand on God’s word with hope. Your daily devotionals (even though I have done them a bagillion times) just keeps reinforcing what I know down deep inside of my spirit and soul. Thank you!

  11. Oh, my word, Elisha! There for a minute, I was about to get up and do a victory dance! I can’t wait for the day your hopes and dreams become reality. You’ll probably hear me shouting praises from my house to yours!!! Until then, it is such a blessing to see your sweet, positive attitude shiniing through…truly you ARE expecting. Expecting a miracle. Expecting God to fulfill His promises to you. Expecting your faith to become sight. Expecting little Josiah. Maybe not nine months from today…but expecting him, just the same. I loved your little Daddy kit. How sweet!

    1. Yes!! EXPECTING!! The only way to live is expecting great things from God. I would rather expect a lot of great things and receive half of them than expect little and receive half of that 🙂

  12. I love this post and how your heart is open and expecting the gift God has for you. I am excited for when he fills your womb again, I know that timing will be perfect.

  13. Darn you! You totally had me going. I was already teary eyed before I continued to read on. But I am so happy to hear where you are at right now. That is truly an amazing blessing and I hope that feeling only continues to thrive in you. I am truly happy for you and how far you’ve come. You are amazing! 🙂

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