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25 of the Worst Expressions to Say to Your Infertile Friend (and the responses I would like to give)

Elisha

Since coming out of the infertility closet several years ago, everyone including the male cashier scanning my ovulation prediction kit has offered me their words of comfort, awe-inspiring stories of hope, as well as their golden nuggets of advice. This is why if I had a dollar for every time I was educated on the best vitamins to increase my egg quality or the latest medical science has proven to guarantee conception, I could go out and buy that vacation to Hawaii that my friend suggested I should take. Because after all, her Uncle’s niece who has a friend from college took one and she came home pregnant! With twins!

{Insert fake squeal occupied by an eye roll}

I know! I know! Each person is only trying to provide those of us struggling with comfort and help “fix the problem;” but when it comes to infertility? There are a few expressions I wish people would try to avoid if possible. Would you like to know which ones they are? And are you ready to have a little tongue-in-cheek humor while we are at it? If so, brace yourself because I am not holding back…

Disclaimer: My first language is English, my second is sarcasm. Be advised most of this post is written in my second language.

25 of the worst expressions with border

1.  “Trying to get pregnant is the fun part!  I bet you are enjoying it.

You’re right! What’s there not to enjoy?! For the last several years I have had to schedule intercourse nearly every other day for at least three weeks in a cycle (thanks to Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) and kick my legs up in the air for 30 minutes afterwards. It’s not only romantic, but supa fun!

2.  “Just remember, there are worse things that could happen.”

True. But try to remember everyone reacts to life’s experiences differently. Your “worst” is probably different from mine. In fact, I know it is; because you said “it was the worst thing ever” when the shoe store didn’t have your size…

3.  “If you drink more water and eat healthier then you would get pregnant.”

This comment always makes me feel at fault for my inability to conceive. It makes me feel guilty. It makes me feel like a failure. It makes me want to grab another Mountain Dew and Snickers bar while I cry over your helpful suggestion.

4.  “Why do you want kids? You get to sleep in late and do whatever you want.”

I don’t want to sleep in late. I don’t want to travel when I want. Or go shopping whenever I feel like it. What I want is to be a mother to my own children and hear the pitter patter of their tiny feet come running down the hallway on a Saturday morning begging for me to turn on the cartoons. And as crazy as this sounds? I want to pick up toys before bed. Or hear the cries of a newborn who wants to be snuggled at 3am.

5.  “Be thankful you miscarried early before you were too attached.”

I might have only been a few weeks weeks pregnant, but I was attached to my little miracle more than you could ever imagine. In fact, the second I saw those two pink lines, I fell in love. And you know? I am still in love.

6.  “It’s all in God’s hands.” 

I know that genius. And while I trust in His plan and timing, it doesn’t make the struggle any easier to navigate. It just makes it more confusing. 

7.  “It must not be God’s will for you to be a mother”

You wouldn’t go to a paraplegic and tell them that God didn’t intend for them to walk. So why would you tell someone struggling to conceive that God doesn’t intend for them to be a mother? This comment is cruel. Please don’t say it.

8.  “You just need a glass of wine and some sexy underwear!”

Is that all it takes? Why didn’t I think of that? Tonight I’m ditching my granny panties and grabbing my boxed wine. Look out for a pregnancy announcement next month, folks!

9.  Isn’t it funny how people who want kids can’t have them but people who don’t want them seem to have a bunch?”

This is funny to you? Clowns are funny. Monkeys are funny. My husband trying to tell a joke or dance is funny. What isn’t funny is my situation.This comment only makes me feel bitter and angry as it reminds me of just how unfair and unjust life can be.

10.  “Take my children for a while–that will change your mind!”

I know it is usually meant to be a joke, and trust me, I do like to laugh! Even snort when I do. But this? I can’t laugh at this. Besides, I don’t want your snotty, whiny, lip poutin, bratty kid (did I just type that?). Instead, I want my own snotty, whiny, lip poutin, and bratty kid. Not to mention, this “joke” kinda makes it look like you don’t want your kids, which I know you do. So just be mindful about this one, mmmm…k? Especially if they are standing around listening.

11.  “Has your husband tried boxer shorts?”

Do we really need to discuss my husband’s underwear? No. But for the record, he stopped wearing thongs after college. And the boxers you suggest? They will not magically balance my hormones—mature an egg. Or cause my body to ovulate. They just won’t. But oh, how I wish they would!

12.  “You got pregnant once, so I know you can do it again.” 

I completely understand this reaction, and I think it’s a common one for most people to say, especially to someone who struggled so hard to get pregnant in the first place. In fact, it was my nurse’s reaction after she informed me I was going to miscarry. And to be honest, this one never bothered me because I sort of agreed. But after four years of repeated negative pregnancy tests since my loss, this statement no longer provides a glimmer of hope. In fact, it only reminds me that the only time I got knocked up was when the Doctor did it.

13.  “If you would just relax…”

Your Aunt Sally’s niece, who has a friend who lives in California, knows of a neighbor who finally became pregnant after she relaxed? Neato! But did you know there is no medical proof that soaking in the hot tub or taking a few deep breaths makes people more fertile? Not to mention, when you tell me to “just relax,” it only stresses me out more. Capiche?

14.  “Your house is only clean because you don’t have any children.”

But I don’t want a clean house. I want a filthy one like yours. I want Cheerios on the kitchen floor. Puzzles scattered all across the living room. And fingerprints smudged on the window because they were impatiently waiting for their superhero of a daddy to come home.

15.  “Why don’t you just adopt? There are lots of children who need a home!”

You are right! There are lots of children who need a home. Sooooo, why don’t you “just” adopt? Don’t get me wrong; I love adoption and the opportunity to give a child a forever home; it’s just not something I want to do at this time in my life.  Besides, you can’t “just” adopt. It takes thousands upon thousands of dollars…Lawyers…Home studies…References…Classes…

16.  “Maybe God gave you infertility teach you a lesson.”

Is this statement really suppose to make me feel better about myself? Or offer any type of encouragement? Thank goodness I already know that God is loving and only gives good and perfect gifts (James 1:17). Or this comment that I have heard a bazillion times, well, it would keep me up at night.

17.  “You are just thinking about it too much.”

Possibly…but I like to pray continually and without ceasing; therefore, I kinda like to think about it a lot.

18.  “If you stop trying, then it will happen.”

Did I miss health class the day the birds and the bees were discussed? Unless I am the next virgin Mary, I think we have to be trying a little…

19.  “Maybe you should lose some weight.”

If it wasn’t enough that my self-esteem has already taken a hit due to an increase in acne, excess sweating, hot flashes, mood swings, facial hair, and body hair (compliments of PCOS)? Your comment might have just made it take another sharp nosedive. And now I feel the need to run five miles and eat only three peanuts. Thanks.a.bunch.

20.  “You are so young! You have plenty of time.”

Even though I am 30ish and haven’t applied for my AARP card yet, my eggs have. Because according to recent tests, I have the eggs of a 60-year-old woman. So, what’s that you say about being young?

21.  “I bet you wish you hadn’t waited so long. “

Actually, I was married in August of 2006 and stopped using protection in January 2007. According to my calculations, I waited a whopping six months…

22.  “I can’t imagine what it must be like to have to try so hard. All my husband has to do is look at me, and BAM!”

Super comforting words right there. Maybe your husband could teach my husband how to “look at me, and then BAM, I could be pregnant too?

23.  “You are so lucky. You don’t know how hard it is to wake up every two hours to feed a baby.”

You are right; I don’t know. But I wish I did. 

24.  My Uncle Bob has a cousin who knows of a friend who has an Aunt that found out she was pregnant after she adopted.  If you adopt, then I guarantee you will get pregnant!

Statistically, I am sure that happens in less than one percent of couples who adopt. But I was never that good at Math; therefore, I might be wrong. It’s probably more like 100%. 

25.  Everything happens for a reason. 

Nada. Nothing. Zilch. Unfortunately, that’s the amount of comfort I get from this comment.

disgusted face

So, there you have it. My personal 25 worst expressions to say to an infertile friend. Wasn’t it fun?! Maybe you read these and realized you had said one. Some. Or maybe all. And up until now, you believed your words were comforting and encouraging. Maybe even supportive. I want you to know this: I get it. Because before I began this struggle to conceive, I said a few of these myself. It’s hard to know what to say to your hurting friend, especially when you haven’t walked in their shoes and dealt with the daily struggles of infertility. Or felt the overwhelming sense of loss from a miscarriage. This is why I want you to know that it is okay. No, really! It’s okay! There is no sense in beating yourself up or kicking yourself in the fanny. I just want you to remember that when your friend confides in you about her struggle, she doesn’t want you to fix her problems, and she isn’t expecting you to have any of the answers. She has her doctor for that. Instead, what she is really coming to you for, and what she needs the most, is your shoulder to cry on. Your ears to listen. And your mouth for… nothing. Because honestly? A warm, sincere hug is far better than most anything you could ever say.

And sweet sister, if you read this list and completely sympathize with each word, remember most people don’t know what they are saying. They don’t realize the comments, the advice, and the questions dig deep into the spaces of your heart that long for a baby. They don’t know the buckets of tears you have shed or the worries and fears that have caused you sleepless nights. Most likely, many do not even know that you are trying, trying, and trying to see those two pink lines. Therefore, as hard as it is, and as much as you want to scream back at them your sarcastic remarks, try instead to look past their words and see their heart. Allow yourself to give them the benefit of the doubt that while they could have bridled their tongue, their words were not malicious in nature. I know it’s hard to do, but for me, in moments like these when forgiving is hard, I remind myself of Jesus. After all, if He can hang on the cross crucified and whisper the words, “Forgive them for they know not what they do,” then so can I. And you know, I bet with His help, you can too.

With Love

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129 thoughts on “25 of the Worst Expressions to Say to Your Infertile Friend (and the responses I would like to give)”

  1. Please tell me that no one has ever done #5 to you?? I would be able to handle the common stereotypical comments like “get drunk” blah blah, but that one really strikes a cord with me.
    Great list btw!

  2. YES!! Oh my gosh, you are speaking my life friend. I just had to deal with some of these all at once recenlty in my bioethics class as there were a few classmates who thought children are a reward for good behavior, that if you are infertile you should just wait it out for God to come through and in the mean time take care of other’s kids, because that’s “the same”. I was furious, I definitely made my case. They also seemed to think IVF and other medical infervention were always wrong because it “was a lack of faith”… because infertility is totally not a medical condition *sarcasm*. I am right there with you.

  3. Oh, my! Could I ever relate! To the PCOS and all of its lovely accompaniments, and to almost every “comforting” comment on your list. 🙂 There aren’t many that I haven’t heard…some of them multiple times! Even though my heart goes out to you in a thousand ways, I had to laugh, because you are so funny! It is amazing how little people know about our issues and how they can be so thoughtless in their very uneducated and highly-unsolicited “advice”. I suppose most people mean well, and truly, they just have no clue what infertility feels like. Thanks for being you. You are loved and appreciated and prayed for every, single day. 😉

    1. I’m glad you enjoyed it Cheryl! I had to make it funny because to be honest, I never get angry at their comments or suggestions…I just usually laugh it off 🙂 I know they are not being malicious…they just lack knowledge so there is no point in being angry. xo

    1. Yes I believe I do follow her blog! Thank you for this wonderful advice and suggestion! It is sooo much more useful than the 25 I listed above! xoxoxoxo

  8. I once had a dental hygienist say “been there, done that” when I told her I lost the pregnancy that they had charted 6 months prior. I just about left right there in tears. I totally agree with all 25 on your list. People mean well, but even the best of intentions can be so hurtful.

  9. I’ve actually had the receptionist at my RE’s office say #24 to us (about other patients who’ve had this medical phenomena occur). And I’ve been told (and believed) #19 for a long time – about myself! Unfortunately, I don’t think beating yourself up and becoming depressed about what you can eat vs. what you could eat will help in TTC.

    Awesome post as always, ma belle xo

    1. Thanks girlie! I probably could have listed a couple more but these are the ones I hear constantly! Oddly enough, they get funnier each time I hear them. lol!

  11. My doctor said #20 to me after our first miscarriage, and thanks to my own intuition knowing something was wrong, I was soon diagnosed with endometriosis and a low AMH by my FS! So no, I don’t have lots of time. Idiot! Felt like punching him in the face that day, hence why I’ve never gone back to him! People including the professionals just have no idea. This is the part of being infertile that I hate the most- the hurtful comments that others say without realising they hurt! I’m sorry that we all have to be exposed to them. Xx

  12. Reblogged this on The Long Road To Being a Mum and commented:
    I’ve lost count of the amount of times these expressions have been said to us in our infertility journey so far. I know people mean well, but damn, those comments hurt. Elisha’s list of “The 25 worst expressions to say to an infertile friend” highly resonate with me.

  13. We could write a book about all of the inappropriate things people say! Happy Thursday my fellow warrior 😉! Thanks for today’s post!

  14. I have heard most of these! One I get often is “well at least you know you can get pregnant. That’s the hard part!” Yup. Having repeated, relentless miscarriages for unknown reasons is totally the easy part! It’s a breeze.

  15. Elisha, thanks for helping the world become more sensitive to the struggle!

    1. I just hope it didn’t come across harsh. Most if not all just are not educated or they feel they need to say something. They dont need to say anything. Thanks for reading 🙂

  16. I’m fairly certain we’ve heard most, if not all, of these too! There’s nothing as *fun* as a disease that people can’t see!

  17. People have said some of these things to you? Oh my goodness!! I’m sorry 🙁 I want to print this out and hand it to all the insensitive people out there. People certainly suck sometimes.

      2. yes, yes, yes! I received it on Saturday and I was in tears! It is absolutely beautiful!! I was actually just getting ready to send you an email. Thank you so much for your kindness and thoughtfulness! You are amazing! xoxo

  19. I’ve heard almost every one of these at least a million times. People were always telling DH to gain weight bc, apparently drs are idiots and all he needed to do to fix his almost non existent sperm count was to gain 20 pounds! Who knew!! And while he was busy tossing back the calories, what kind of underwear was he wearing btw? Oh my goodness people! Ur talking about his junk now? Wow. Just wow. And at the same time, I better really look my life over because I must have done something terrible for God to be punishing me with infertility. I was washed in the blood of Jesus and saved from my sin, but somehow people still think that God would be holding out on forgiving me for something and just really making me pay. 🙁 These things really messed with my head for awhile. I’m sorry you’ve had to endure all that idiotic advice.

    1. girl I am sorry for you too!! I must admit that when I read, “I was washed in the blood of Jesus”, I couldn’t help but get all excited and giddy inside! Praise God we are not being punished and He loves us immensely! He desires to bless us and He will indeed! AMEN!

      1. Amen! Yes! I was thinking the other day about how, while I was waiting for God to work this all out and give me a baby, I started to really doubt His promises – that He would give me the desires of my heart, that I could ask and it would be given – His timing seemed to take so long. Too long in my mind. But it happened in His timing, not mine. That was a really hard thing for me because it just made me feel like He wasn’t listening or that I was being punished. That wiley old devil sure will try to use every situation to make us doubt God. And the devil even uses the words of our well-meaning friends and family. I’m glad that you aren’t fooled by that line!

  20. Oh Elisha. I needed this post tonight. Been having one of those days where Prego and babies keep popping up in my face, and unsolicited advice and questioning failing members and I just can’t handle it!

  21. Yep, this is a solid list. I’m curious how you have PCOS (typically a high AMH, which the docs consider an indication of good egg quality) but also have confirmed that your egg quality is poor (like that of a DOR person)? It is a fear of mine that even though my AMH is high for my age, that my eggs are crap (which I guess only IVF can reveal if this is true). XOXOXOXO

    1. my rotten eggs were discovered after IVF :/ He said that sometimes the old “non matured” eggs that stayed stuck to the ovary will sometimes mature later in life and then release. But those eggs will be so old with abnormalities so miscarriage is high.

      1. Oh. That is not encouraging. I have held on to a “false sense of security” since my AMH is good. But I ‘spose it behooves us to keep trying to catch the “good egg”–in there somewhere. *Hugs*

  22. I will send this around next time I get unsolicited advice and questions. One thing I have learnt with IVF is that everyone has a strong opinion and an advice to give.. Thanks!xx

  24. BLEUGH! This is all so true. Number 7 is a particular bug bear of mine, as is “just adopt”… and I’m sick to the back teeth of people giving me stories about their friend’s sisters’ aunt who gave up TTC and then got pregnant, or had 57 rounds of IVF, gave up and went on holiday and got pregnant with twins. Half the time they trot out these inane stories and “advice” without even knowing/understanding what your fertility problem is!!! My friend got told she should relax and not think about it, then it might happen etc etc… and she was like, I HAVE NO FALLOPIAN TUBES YOU MUPPET!

  26. Glad you can have humor behind all of these!!! Oh my, the things people say – interesting enough – it was part of my post today. Of course it would be twiny!

  28. 18 and 22 got me every time! It took a year for us to get pregnant the first time and especially hated hearing those two (among the others)! Once we did get pregnant, someone told my husband, “man, I thought I’d have to teach you how it was done”. Thanks for the jab. It just doesn’t happen right away for everyone and comments like these can really hurt, even if they are not intended to hurt. Best of luck to you and your journey! I’m continually inspired by your positivity and love for God.

  30. This is fantastic. Why am I just now finding your blog? I have actually made some of these sarcastic replies out loud to people. Because if I had to keep all the rage in, I’d be punching them in the face and nice girls don’t do that. Keep on praying and do what you do. I do believe miracles happen and I certainly hope it happens for you.

    1. awe thank you so much and I’m so glad you found my blog too! I love connecting to new people! Thanks for hoping and believing with me!

  31. These made me laugh! But how true it is. I am not infertile, but I’ve had so many comments like this thrown at me after my miscarriage last year that neither comforted me or helped me. Their comments came across as insensitive and dismissive, even though I know they weren’t intended that way. Sending you lots of love and prayers that all of your dreams come true!

  32. This is so good! Thank you for sharing. So many people have used many of these gems on me- they especially can’t grasp that infertility can happen AFTER having children. And now that we are adopting- of COURSE we’ll get pregnant! Nope. We were relaxed and continued to try well after we started the adoption process. Didn’t happen. I am praying that you will gaze into those baby blue eyes and wipe that cute pudgy nose one day SOON.

  33. I can relate to more of these than I should! I never really understood the extent of foot-in-mouth disease until I had a miscarriage.
    “Was it your fault?”
    “At least you didn’t get farther a long / get to know the baby”
    “At least you didn’t tell more people.”
    The worst is definitely the people with kids who complain all day and then say – “And you really want kids?”
    Makes me want to get punchy – instead I just eat more lol.

    1. Ugh! So sorry you heard those comments!! I uses to also get extremely upset when people complained about their kids but i try really hard to remember they haven’t experienced infertility so they can’t relate. Kinda like when i complain about how crappy running is… I have never experienced being paralyzed. Like I said, this I what I try to think about when they complain. Lol!!

  34. Spot on with this write-up, I seriously think this website needs much more attention.
    I’ll probably be returning to read through more, thanks for the advice!

  36. and I agree with every single one! You summed it up perfectly – stop talking. lol.

  38. I’ve heard most of these things or something like them too. I try to remember that people naturally want to help out if they care about me so they try to give advice. I do the exact same thing to other people (not IFers but just general stuff) – I’m full of unsolicited advice. 😀 But because of my own situation with advice backfiring and making me feel icky, I try harder to censor myself.

    1. You are so right and I know they are usually only trying to solve the problem which is why I never say anything back and just try to laugh it off. Thanks so much for reading 🙂

  39. I have a friend who said that a former friend of hers told her that because of all the miscarriages my friend was experiencing, she would “share her son with her”! Some people just don’t listen to themselves think before they allow the silly words to come out of their mouth.

    1. I try to let my thoughts run around the track a couple of times before I speak but I’m not the best at that either…I always try to give others grace even when it’s hard :/

  40. Thank you for being able to relate to other women going through the same experience and for educating those who don’t know. I think a follow up post on How To Best Comfort an Infertile Friend would be amazing. It’s definitely needed.

    God bless!

    -Swanky

    1. awe thanks! It’s funny you should say that because I have been working on one for a few weeks 🙂 I’ll be posting it soon once I’m comfy enough with the way it is written and comes across.

      You’ll have to make sure you check back soon 🙂

      1. Yay! That’s exciting! 🙂 And I definitely know all about editing, re-editing, and re re-editing LOL not fun but so necessary. The Lord always helps us bring it together. A couple months down the line you read it and it’s like whoa I don’t remember writing that, ha!

        I will subscribe and keep me eye out for the post!

      2. the editing drives me nuts sometimes!! I think I started the post back in February! lol! I always wait on the Lord’s prompting before posting. I have a feeling it’s time to press publish on this one 🙂

      3. Yes! The thought alone is dreadful but reading other blogs about writing is encouraging. Other times I realize that it won’t always be perfect yet He will still be glorified. Plus practice makes progress! 🙂

  41. Somehow I stumbled across your blog today and I just have to say how I can SO relate to this list. While my infertility struggles were years ago, they are not forgotten. Just a quick glance at this list and it brings back all of those old feelings and memories. I know most people are trying to be funny, or maybe helpful (but really???!) but I agree with you that people should refrain from saying anything. Those comments (most of which were also said to me) are just hurtful and uncomfortable. Why is my sex life suddenly an acceptable topic of conversation?? And like a previous commenter, we also got the comment of needing to teach my husband “how it’s done” Really?? Really?? Ugh…. However my story has a happy ending, and I know that yours will too. Each of our stories are different, and it sure is hard to understand and trust Gods timing sometimes. But hang in there….and know your baby bird is coming. Many blessings.
    PS… I find it ironic (or perfectly timed) that this post was on 4/24/14. This is my sons 13th (sniff,sniff….my baby!!) birthday. My miracle son who arrived after 5 years of “unexplained” infertility, fertility drugs that didn’t work, many tears, two miscarriages, more tears, finally a risky/rocky pregnancy with lots of bedrest… Awww. Just reading this reminds me that I need to go into his room and kiss his little video game playing, eye rolling, often grumpy self 🙂 Your baby bird is coming. Many prayers and blessings while you wait. (And I firmly believe that baby bird is a boy named Josiah!!!)

    1. Awe thank you so much for reading and commenting!! It’s so good to read your testimony! Also, thank you for your prayers and blessings. They seriously mean so much to me!

  42. These are wonderful reminders, also, to those of us who are “past” the angst of infertility. I have three biological children now, after many years of an infertility journey, and am not sure how to encourage the woman at church who is infertile because there is no guarantee that she will have my same outcome!

    1. I always encourage women with scriptures based on fertility and healing ( I have a tab at the top of my blog with these scriptures). I believe God has a heart for barren women and proved His love for those who struggled to conceive by putting numerous stories to show His faithfulness and power in this area. Whenever I point women to these stories, hope abounds and where hope abounds, miracles happen. I also always point them to Jesus as the source of their hope and from my experience, when we do that, their hope arises and miracles start happening. I also like to think that God doesn’t show favoritism based upon Romans 2:11 which says that God does not show favoritism. This alone gives me hope which is the foundation for faith and faith is key in miracles happening. I feel like I am being choppy with my sentences. LOL! Basically, I guess what I am saying is always encourage them with scripture. It’s God’s word and is alive and active. The holy spirit will do the work when you speak His word and hope, encouragement, support, and alike will arise in the person’s soul when you speak it. I can testify from experience. Anytime someone encouraged me through the word, I felt renewed and alive in my spirit to keep persevering in what I am hoping for.

      Thank you so much for commenting! I hope you have a great Sunday 🙂

  43. Love the humor you use in the list. I have gotten quite a few of these myself in my struggle with infertility and there’s times people will annoy me and other times I just laugh at what they say because they JUST don’t get it! I also have PCOS and at first I didn’t speak about it, but now I do. It has helped me avoid getting the question “When are you getting pregnant.?” I like your writing. Looking forward to reading more posts.

    1. I too have noticed that the more open I am about why we don’t have kiddos the less advice and suggestions I get…which is nice 🙂 Thank you so much for reading and I can’t wait to hear from you more 🙂 xo

  44. Pingback: 25 Signs You Are Trying to Conceive (Part Two) | waiting for baby bird

  45. This blog has brought the
    Most comfort to me this far in our infertility journey. Sometimes I felt like you were inside my head! As we have our third go at IUI tomorrow morning I definitely needed a few laughs and cries. Thanks so much for bringing a smile to my face and hope back into my heart. Thankful I stumbled upon this site!

    1. Praying for you and your IUI tomorrow.

      Poppa God,
      I pray that you give her strength, peace and hope for tomorrow and that no matter happens, she will continue to persevere and believe that You are for her and not against her. I pray that you fulfill the desires of her heart and that the perfect egg meets with the perfect sperm in the days ahead. I thank You that You hear us when we pray and that you are never far away, but always holding us with your right hand. In Jesus Name

      1. God bless you, Elisha. You are living proof that kindness, compassion and true determination and faith are still present in human beings on this earth. It is so easy, in my experience, being in this situation we are all in to fall into a spiraling state of negativity and to be cynical of others. I’ve truly found comfort and encouragement in your blog and in you. You deserve your miracle and I pray he/she (or both!) will come soon enough.

        Thank you so much.

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  47. You nailed this! Seriously. OMG. You have them all on here. And explained them so well. I’m going to have to add this to my blog for people to come read!

    Oh! One other hurtful comment i got was when i ran into old friends (my parent’s age… i grew up with their daughters) at the grocery store & they asked about kids. When i said i didn’t have any (which they knew!), they said, “OHHH! OH NO! WHY NOT?!” To which i kind of whispered “I want them, it just hasn’t happened yet”, and he said, ‘I feel so sorry for your parents! You haven’t given them grandchildren!” OMG. I cried the whole way home. I wasn’t public about infertility then, but now i think i would’ve said either “Why do you feel sorry for THEM? They have kids!” or “Actually, they do want grandchildren, but they are completely understanding and sympathetic of why we don’t have them yet. JERK!” LOL. UGH. People just don’t think. I actually had an OPK in my grocery cart while this conversation was going on!

    1. Oh my! That comment is the worst! I am sure they didn’t realize how it came out or sounded to you but goodness! It still hurts :/

  48. Hmm…let’s see, I’ve gotten, ”It will happen when it’s supposed to.” Also,”What are you guys waiting for? You know your parents live to be grandparents. ” My favorite about my miscarriages was, “They’re not really babies. They’re just a collection of cells.” Yup.

  49. Oh my gosh yes!!! I couldn’t help but laugh at these because almost all include #5 have been said to me. Unless you find yourself dealing with infertility you will never get how these comments effect another women.

  50. I have heard pretty much all of those. They all hurt with absolutely no help.

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