Keep On Living

Hi!  My name is Elisha and I have a confession…I am a compulsive planner and the word “spontaneous” isn’t even in my vocabulary.  For instance, please don’t call me at 8am wanting me to go shopping with you at 10am–I won’t can’t do it despite you giving me a two-hour notice.  It’s not in my plans and I am also ashamed to say that even if my agenda consisted of doing nothing, then nothing is what I am still going to do.  I also might as well let you know I usually have my weekly calendar filled out in advance, therefore if you want to plan a lunch date, dinner date, or just kick rocks in the street, I am going to need to have at least a three-day notice…a month notice would be better, but I figured that was pushing it. hehe

photo(1)With that being said, one of the most frustrating aspects of infertility is that I fall into the trap of thinking I can’t plan my life in advance….Where should we go on vacation?  Well, it depends–will I be 8 months pregnant and waddling around or still have an empty womb and able to fit into a bikini?  What vehicle should we buy now?  Well, it depends–will we need room for a car seat, stroller and pack n play soon or just my purse and some leg room?  Should my Hubby plan to attend the annual camping trip in March?  Well, it depends–will I be ovulating that weekend?  You get the picture.  Either no planning is going on or all plans have to be marked in pencil and subject to change at a moments notice.  YIKES!  Neither option is good for my personality.

It’s crazy how for some, infertility has the ability to make you feel as if you have to stay stuck in “time”, “stuck” in one place and you can’t plan or live your life now.  There are so many “what ifs” when trying to decided what to do, but putting your life on hold, and not enjoying the journey while you are on your way to reaching your destination of parenthood, will only add to the pain and heartache associated with not being pregnant.  Trust me.  I know.

So friends, don’t live your life in this “stuck” zone.  Don’t let the fun stop because of your infertility and don’t let your plans always be centered around “making babies.”  Buy the car you want to have now. Take that cruise you desperately want to go on with your friends even if it is going to ruin your fertility treatment schedule.  Plan the sky diving, bungee, zip lining trip you have always wanted to take with your spouse.  If you have to cancel, sell your car, or rework the family vacation because you are pregnant, then I think that is a first class problem to have.  And besides, don’t you want to have fabulous stories to share with your future kiddos?

Advertisements

67 thoughts on “Keep On Living

  1. Ha. I don’t go to that extreme. But I do understand that some people really can’t do something when they are told last minute. If someone calls me to go out for coffee and I have nothing planned, I’d go. I feel that my whole year last year, fertility treatments put my life on hold. It was the first year after our house was remodeled. I was supposed to be proudly presenting the newly remodeled house and inviting people over for dinner. Instead of doing that, I was stuck in that time feeling overwhelmed with all the treatment and not having a clear mind to be socializing/hosting/entertaining guests. By Christmas, I felt that I couldn’t allow myself to put my social life on the back burner. So here I am, in March 2014. I have invited 6 groups of people over for a meal, mostly people that we hadn’t seen for over a year but would really love to spend time with. I am happy that I have been doing that and I will continue to live life. Another thing is traveling. Now that we’re taking a break from IVF and with Bob’s job loss, we’re going to India and Hong Kong. It’s such a relief not to have to think… Oh but am I going to cycle during that time? It’s such a freedom.

    Like

    • I read your post about the job loss the other night while laying in bed on my phone and I am not sure I commented. I am so sorry to hear about that but I believe in Romans 8:28 and He will work all things out for your good. I love that you are no longer putting your life on hold! It is such freedom! xoxox

      Like

  2. I am not a super organized person but we do have our daily routine and when something comes up last minute it seems to throw a kink in everything. I know we should be more spontaneous but we seem to be creatures of habit 🙂 I will for sure try this out though!

    Like

  3. One thing I’ve put on hold for three years is scheduling my vacation time from work. I always thought. I want to hold onto it in case I’m pregnant by a certain time. I put living on hold for many years.

    Like

  4. You are so right!! And it’s so funny, but these are the same issues I think about when we make plans for the future. Sadly enough, I’ve been doing this for the past 2 years and each and every time I’ve made the plans… obviously there hasn’t been any problems that conflict with them. Yes, it’s about living life. About enjoying life. Being grateful with the life we have been given. And that is when God will bless us with a child, when our life is bountiful. As children should be an addition within a happy environment. To ADD to our wonderful lives. It’s definitely a journey, one in which we are all growing and learning… and hopefully LIVING (to the fullest). 🙂

    Like

  5. OMG this is me!!! This is one of the factors of infertility that I struggle with the most. I have a hard time not living in limbo since we’ve started TTC…..which has been detrimental to my weight, our marriage at times, etc…you get the idea. You’re so right though. I’m working on getting out of the stuck zone now.

    Like

  6. I so love this because this was how I was living my life while we were trying for a second baby. I can’t plan to go here or host an event, what if I’m 6-10 weeks pregnant and that’s prime sick time? I won’t have the energy OR feel well! After a few months of this, it got old. I also found that constantly counting weeks was doing NOTHING but amping up my stress level…even worse for TTC! Yikes! God will see you through from start to finish. If you have to put things on hold or rain date them…so what? It’s for a good cause and I am sure most people will completely understand!

    Like

  7. I am a lot like you…I don’t like to have surprise invitations with little to no notice, even if I’m not doing anything. And I am always thinking ahead to the future…do I want to plan this? What if I’m ovulating that week or what if I get a bfp? Like I just scheduled dental work for about a month out from now. What if I get pregnant? Will I still have to do the dental work? What if they say its okay and I lose the baby? I am thinking TOO far in advance at this point, LOL! So this post was spot on for me. 😀

    Like

    • I think we could be best friends! I on the otherhand keep thinking I need to make a dental appointment before I get pregnant because what if i have a cavity while prego and they can’t fill it?! LOL!!

      Like

  8. i am so type A and have always been “the planner” for ourselves and various groups of friends. so i agree with you totally that this aspect of infertility really gets to me! planning for trips, my aerial classes and performances, you name it, it’s been affected.

    Like

    • I have realized that when I don’t plan to do something because of “what if”, it just makes me focus on infertility more and make me more bitter towards my inability to conceive. I have discovered that I am happier if I just go ahead and plan anyway. I hate canceling but it would be an amazing reason to cancel 🙂

      Like

  9. A great post. I had to stick at my old, unhappy job for 1) IVF benefits (my state doesn’t mandate them, I was just lucky) and then 2) A $5000 adoption reimbursement 3) I thought it might be a good part time opportunity. It really really really really sucked though and I regret it a little bit. Also, I was pregnant on several vacations (though they resulted in losses.) So important to keep living!

    Like

  10. Well…I am probably the most spontaneous person you will ever meet. Last year when I signed up for a 10k mud run my whole family was like omg?! what if your pregnant…to which I replied….I will cross that bridge when I get there but I refuse to put my life on hold because of “What If’s” I have followed that same rule for the past year, ran multiple races and traveled! I want to have stories to tell my babies! Live life in the moment and God will handle the rest! We do not have Yesterday or Tomorrow only Today! (btw good to know about the month’s notice! Note to self do not show up last minute expecting a coffee date with Elisha! lol) 🙂

    Like

    • Me too! One day my hubby came home and saw that I had “Make a walmart list” on my to-do list. He looked up at me and said, “REALLY!?! You need to put on your list that you need to make a list?” UMMM YES!!

      Like

  11. I have the same problem; And planner! How’s that for a coincidence? This is one hangup of mine that DH has really helped…. He has always answered my “what ifs” in planning with the fact that as much as I’d like to think our plans aren’t actually set in stone the majority of the time. So we can always reevaluate.

    Like

  12. Amen! I am totally right there with you on ALL of this. I am a compulsive planner and have given up my life too long with the hopes that this might be the week/month/yr. Ready to start living again!

    Like

    • I literally almost had my hubby cancel the annual camping trip he goes on because what if I was ovulating? But then I felt bad because I never know when I ovulate I was just nervous him being gone for those three days would mess it all up. LOL!

      Like

  13. I have so been reflecting on this! I’ll do a post about it later, but I’m going to Florida with my mom and she’s like, “What if you’re pregnant?” Well, then, I’ll figure it out won’t I? You’re so right! We can’t put our lives on hold for all of this.. It’s hard enough.

    Like

  14. we used to put everything on hold. finally last year we stopped that. the it turned out that i found out i was pregnant the day before an all-inclusive mexico trip but that didn’t stop me. well, it did stop me from drinking everything including the “worm” but i am actually grateful for that after seeing some of the other guest turn it slobbering messes by 2 p.m. hahaha. we adapted the vacation a bit but i still hiked the ruins at coba and swam in the cinotes. last summer when we were doing our IVF we still went camping. i was pregnant then too but i biked 16 kms and hiked 10. i was so scared to do those things before because of “what ifs”. not anymore. i’ve taken back control of my life as much as i can.

    Like

  15. You are too funny with your planned schedule. I feel I need to work on being more spontaneous! Definitely great advice! Too many things get put on hold with infertility… why put things on hold that don’t need to be. Thanks for the reminder!

    Like

  16. I struggled with this when we were going through infertility and fertility treatments, and I have struggled with it since my husband has gone back to school. Thinking things like, “This is just temporary,” or, “When he is out of school….” I have to remind myself so often that this “waiting” IS part of our lives! It’s an important chapter of our lives, and it’s still a chapter in which God is moving, working, and changing our hearts and lives. So hard to remember sometimes! And I am the exact same way about planning. This was a really good post!!!

    Like

  17. I hear you! I am a bit of a compulsive planner too.. with infertility I had to learn that it’s not dramatic to chose last minute. I still prefer planning though if possible.. xx

    Like

  18. So great, Elisha! I’m a planner, too so infertility is frustrating in that way, too. But I’m learning that you can ‘unmake’ plans just as easily (usually) as you can make them. Our lives definitely can’t revolve around this! Be wise? Yes. Obsessed? No. Thanks for this!

    Like

  19. And thank you for your card and prayers! I am so bad about returning the favor, but I think about you and pray for you all the time!!! One day, when I get my stuff together, you’ll get yours! (I know that’s not why you do that, but just wanted you to know I don’t take it lightly!)

    Like

  20. This is very timing for me today. We leave for a last minute vacation to the sun and sand before IVF starts next week. We were so lucky to be able to financially be able to take this last minute trip and I am so glad to be doing it. We didn’t book anything months ago because ‘we didn’t know with timing if it would work’ but I should have just booked it. 🙂 Great words to live by!

    Like

  21. Oh my gosh, I have put so many things on hold. From big things like vacations to small things like buying a new pair of jeans. Seriously, I only have two pairs of pants (TOTAL) that fit, and I’m paralyzed each month about whether or not to buy new ones. Money is tight so I don’t want to waste money on pants I won’t get to wear if I get pregnant this month. By the way, I know I’m a compulsive planner when I recognize your planner notebook from Target. I don’t buy pants so I go drool over the planners and calendars!

    Like

  22. Elisha, you’re such a great writer! This is so me. You hit it with people asking to get together when you don’t even have plans. No way, I’m already busy with not being busy! I always check the calendar when making plans for vacations or plans where I know I could be drinking. So silly, but that’s the reality of what baby making can do to us.

    Like

    • Thanks girl but I sometimes read my posts and think…”who wants to read this stuff?!” I’m glad you do 🙂 My friends laugh at me for my planning but I just can’t help it. I hope you have a great weekend!!

      Like

  23. Oh my gosh I am victim of this!! If a random trip pops up, I think “hmm I could be 3 months pregnant then… I prob wouldn’t want to be in the car for 10+ hours because of morning sickness”… Blah blah blah. And yet here I am never been pregnant and still thinking the same thoughts. The “what ifs” and the running in place can drive a person insane. IF really does make you feel like you have to put your life on hold. It feels like treatment is your top priority… What a good post to remind us to try to live,our lives to the fullest and stop wondering about the possibilities of the “what if’s”. Because you are right… Canceling plans because you ARE pregnant is a great problem to have 😘

    Like

    • amen girl! I have learned that I become bitter when I don’t go on the trip because I “Might” be pregnant and then the trip approaches and I wasn’t pregnant…it just adds to the frustration.

      Like

  24. Ugh you are a girl after my own heart! I schedule everything and like you I could be doing absolutely nothing but if you ask me to go out with you only a few hours later my answer will undoubtedly be no. In this journey vacation planning has been the worst. My husband has had to bail on a few boys trips and I have resisted planning any unless I know it won’t affect anything!

    Like

    • Yes my poor hubby has missed out on a lot of trips because of the “what if”…I feel terrible and now I don’t even tell him. If he wants to go, then I encourage him to go.

      Like

  25. I do feel stuck in time! But not really so much because I’m trying to work around the possible pregnancy I might one day have. But because nothing seems to change! I blame part of this on my family. I’ve been married 5 years, still no kids, all my siblings still live at home, none of them have ever had a relationship yet (though that’s about to change), and so on and so forth. Everyone around me has their lives changing, but mine? My family comes to visit and there are no grandkids/nieces/nephews to be played with. People are getting older, but life isn’t moving forward. So yeah… I feel stuck.

    Like

    • I totally understand! My brother and his wife do not have children yet and on my mom’s side it’s just my 93 year old grandma…needless to say, our Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners only consist of us 7 :/ It’s the same ol’ same ol’

      Like

  26. This rings so true for me as it appears so many others!! I lived it up for the past 2 weeks on vacay and I did go skydiving spontaneously (the only way I could have done it…) Also, My doctor is good at reinforcing that life must go on and not to schedule our lives around fertility stuff- so that helps!!

    Like

    • Your doctor is so right! I can’t believe you went skydiving! That is awesome! I am TERRIFIED of heights and falling so this is not on my bucket list 🙂

      Like

  27. Pingback: 25 Signs You Are Trying to Conceive (Part Two) | waiting for baby bird

Don't forget to tell me what you think!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s