While at Walmart last week I turned down the canned food aisle and up ahead I saw a woman pushing her cart with an adorable baby sitting in the front seat of the buggy. I didn’t give it a second thought until our three-year-old foster princess asked me her second favorite question…“Why she got a baby?” And just like the other 156 times she has asked me this question while seeing another woman with a baby, I didn’t have an answer to give her. None of the ones I have ever come up with sit well with me. So, I just shrugged my shoulders and continued looking for the canned beans. I could tell as she turned her head to the side and scrunched up her eyebrows that she wasn’t satisfied with my answer. Thankfully she didn’t push the question. Instead she just followed it up with another question–“Whatcha doin?”
Fast forward to this morning. I woke up, grabbed my cup of coffee and opened up my Facebook account. There I was welcomed by not one, but two pregnancy announcements in my newsfeed. Instantly my heart ached. My soul felt forgotten. I rarely have feelings of anger or bitterness towards other couples who are blessed, but this time, it hurt. It made me stop dead in my tracks and my world got put on “pause” for just a moment. And this morning while the “pause” button was pushed, I asked God the same question my foster princess asked me, “Why she got a baby?”
And afterwards, I felt like her too. Because I felt as though I, too, was sitting in the shopping cart getting the same silence and shrug. I was confused. Even slightly annoyed. But while waiting for an answer, I realized this wasn’t the first time I have felt His silence or seen His shrug after asking “why.” So, without pushing the question any further, I turned my head to the side did what my foster princess had also done to me and asked Him, “Whatcha doin?” Whatcha doin while I wait? Whatcha doin to turn my mess into something good? Whatcha doin to fill my womb and ease my pain.
Asking the question, “Why she got a baby?” has echoed through every century. In the Bible, Hannah asked it. Rebekah struggled with it. Rachel cried over it. David’s first wife, Michal, likely uttered it in bitter frustration. Elizabeth probably agonized about it. And I would venture to say that 1 in 8 couples have acknowledged their frustration over the agonizing process of “natural selection” that seems to heap fertility on some and deny it to others.
I realize I could join the crowd by sitting down in my chair and stew over who gets pregnant and who can’t, but that would only wreak havoc on my soul. It would only send me over sanity’s edge as I pondered on questions such as why does God allow this suffering? Why haven’t we? Why did they? Why not us? Why didn’t IVF work? Why PCOS? Why do teenagers get pregnant so easily in the backseat of the car? Why, why, why? I could try to analyze it all, but what good would it do? Would knowing the answer to all of the “why’s?” make it easier on me? Would having the answers make me a better person? The answer is ultimately no and I believe that is why God remains silent each time I ask. Answering the “why” wouldn’t change anything, but answering the “Whatcha doin?” would. And so, it was once I realized this, and once the question was asked, that’s when the silence shattered and God started talking.
His response was this:
What am I doing? I’m so glad you asked! I am working. I am working on deepening our relationship through this struggle. I am working to show you that I can be trusted. I am working to show you the limits of your faith, patience, and perseverance so that it can be stretched and strengthened for the events I can see up ahead. I am working by preparing your heart to be more grateful for your own miracles and empathetic towards others waiting for theirs. I am working to renew your mind and mature you to be wiser. I am working to enable you to use the gift of encouragement that I have placed inside of you. I am working to set the scene and convert your experiences into a compelling testimony that will honor and glorify Me. I am using this time until you have a baby in your arms, to mold you, shape you, train you, and test you. That’s what I’m doing; and if you want my very best, simply trust in Me. Put your hope in Me. And wait. Wait with joy. And wait with patience until I have done a complete work in you.
I am thankful God shrugs His shoulders and gives me the silent treatment when I ask, “Why?” He knows the answer to “why she got a baby?” wouldn’t make any difference to how I feel. In fact, it probably would make me feel worse. But, to hear the answers to “whatcha doin?” sparks more life inside of me and gives me even more hope than ever before. It allows me to see more of the blessings I am receiving as I travel on this roller coaster ride. I know that together, He and I, we will get through this and I will have so much more than just a baby in the end. Because I will have His best.
Sweet sister, God is always at work in each of our lives and situations whether we know it or not and whether we want it or not. He does not relish in our sufferings, but He will use them for our development. Therefore, as hard it is, try not to see your struggle as an interruption to life, but as a preparation for the best life He wants to give you. No one said that life’s journey would be easy or painless. But if you ask God, “Whatcha doin?” along the way, He will show you that while you wait, He works. While you trust in Him, He will use your mess for something good. And after you have endured and reached the end, you will have His best.
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Beautifully written. Thank you.
Love, as always. Seems like we were on the same wavelength with God…waiting, trusting His timing. I was really thinking about all the pain we’ve all gone through in this infertility journey. Somehow, what is on the way will be worth the pain we’ve endured. Like Christ. He didn’t want to endure the pain either, but b/c of what was on the other side, b/c that was worth it, God put Him through that. Same with us . Love your perspective…that He is WORKING. This isn’t empty time waiting. He is very busy – in us and for us! Great word, sister! xo
amen girl! He is the one working and He is so loving…He just wants us kicking up our feet and relaxing. We just seem to never know how to relax! LOL! xoxox
I love reading your blog, Elisha! Keep up the good work, girl! You’re such a blessing!
Thanks buddy!! I’m so glad you enjoy it! 🙂 I just pray the life of someone else is changed through my experiences.
Absolutely! AND let’s not forget it for a moment! The rush, rush, of life puts us at a distance that we must never maintain; be still and listen. Great post!!!
Thank you so much! I’m glad you enjoyed it. God is always doing big things and working, we must just stop long enough and realize it.
Very well written. So glad we have connected and I always lean on your for support and read your encouraging words. Praying for you!
Thank you! I’m so glad we have each other to lean on. It’s when we try to stand ourselves that we fall flat on our faces :/
Wow great post!!! And I needed this today. I needed to be reminded that God is working, and that he hasn’t overlooked my tears and pain.
oh girl He is def not overlooking you! He knows the very hairs on your head! Just trust Him while He works 🙂 xoxo
Beautifully said. Thank you for sharing. I’m so thankful that God led me to your blog. You have been a constant encouragement. God is using your wait to help others – like me – walk through their own wait.
that alone makes my struggles all worth it! You are such a sweetie and I can’t wait until we can change the names of our blogs to “lady with lots of babies” or something cheesy like that! LOL! God has big plans for you girl!
Love it! God is working in your life and doing such amazing things. You are growing and learning and building a community of support around women facing infertility. When you don’t see the progress, always know He is working. His WHAT is better than the WHYs. We may never see the WHYs that we want if we don’t align them with the WHAT that He is doing. Hang in their Elisha! ***Goldilocks sounds adorable BTW! I love all her little catch phrases.
Thank you so much for your encouraging words! You are such a sweetie. Yes, Goldilocks has LOTS of phrases!
This is a good word!! SO true. Answering the question why is never what brings the answer to the prayer 🙂 SO glad you realized/are realizing the bitterness is never from the Lord. He wants us to rejoice in every pregnancy!! Love you!
i have never had a problem rejoicing in the pregnancy of someone else. There was never bitterness, anger or envy. It was mainly just a question that I always have…same reason why the three year old follows me around all day asking “why”…just being curious.
oh sorry! I need to back and re-read. I think I read something wrong about FB!!! My bad for the confusion
Thank you for writing this today! I love your candidness and how open you are to sharing exactly what you are feeling and how God is working it that. It is so encouraging because I feel that God has been working with me on this for a while now. Glad that someone else on this earth understands the feeling 🙂
I am so glad it is encouraging to you 🙂
This is so hard! While dealing with IF, ANY time someone else announced a pregnancy I would ask God ‘why them and not me?!’ I still don’t have an answer to that… And I remember just how tough those situations are! XO
My questions are not usually “why them and not me” because I’m confident I will have a child…it’s more of a “why” in general…why is there a need to struggle. bleck! haha! xoxo
Wow this was powerful and convicting all at the same time. Thank you for sharing your heart and being an encouragement. I am so glad you can see what God is doing in you while you wait. Oh the growth that has happened in me since ttc. God has really worked and is still working in such a mighty way.
He is so good! He will never waste an opportunity to grow, test and train us. The devil always seems to think his schemes will work, but when we put our life in God’s hands, He turns it all back around and gives us so much more! Thank ya Jesus!
Great post Elisha! You know what my very first thought was reading your post? Maybe his answer to you right now is Goldilocks. What a wonderful gift of love and service you are providing that little girl. If timing was any different she may not have gotten the opportunity to have time with you, which very well could positively impact her the rest of her life! 🙂
i know right?! I mentioned in this post http://waitingforbabybird.com/2014/01/29/what-is-it-you-want-a-baby/ that if I had a child already, I would have missed out on Golilocks because I wouldn’t have had the time or money resources to care for all of these children we take in. God has def been using her to speak to me. I love how he uses people to speak into our lives.
I am so happy that you get to have Goldilocks in your life too. She sounds pretty amazing! Love this 🙂
she is quite the chatter box that is for sure. Problem is, we don’t know half the words she is saying and she seems to have only one volume…loud. hahahaha! But she has been a gift from God so far 🙂 Teaching me all kinds of important lessons
I love how much you are learning from the little sweetie pie and in turn we all get to learn through you! “God always leaves his best to those who leave the choice to Him” 🙂
amen girl! You said it perfectly!
I dont even know Goldilocks but I just want to pick her up and kiss her cheeks. She sounds so amazing and I am so glad that you guys gave her a happy home to be in. I had a hard time with others pregnancy announcements- more than just asking why, I was bitter and resentful and angry- and then I realized that harboring any of those thoughts wouldn’t help at all. I love that your strengthening your faith during your struggle. I think that often times our struggles really are placed in our pathways to grow our faith. Thinking of you and praying for you and baby bird! xo
Thanks Kasey! You are so sweet and I appreciate ALL of your prayers! You are so awesome!
And yes! You would want to pick her up and kiss her sweet cheeks! I totally want to post a picture of her on here, but the blog is not private and I don’t want to do that “just in case”. Just imagine a small little girl who just turned three with the softest blonde curls and a thumb that wont come out of her mouth 🙂 haha
The best things really do come to those who wait. Love this parallel Elisha!
yes they do! Too many times I get all rushy, rushy :/ Thanks so much for your encouraging words all of the time! You are amazing!
I just found your blog and love, love, love the “what is God doing” paragraph. I have printed it out and made copies to put around, it is so encouraging. I am nearing the end of my “hail mary” tww and was feeling pretty down as I don’t think this one worked either. When I saw this, it completely refocused my attitude and reminded me that God is in control and know what He is doing, I just need to continue to trust him. Thank so much for posting this!
amen girl! It’s a day by day, moment by moment decision to just let go and trust. I love that you printed it out…I think i should do the same! lol! This morning I was a debbie downer but because you commented on this blog, it reminded me of what He spoke to me on Feb. 5th. I’m back to being filled with hope and eager anticipation that I will have His BEST when this is all said and done. And you will too! God has the perfect plan, the perfect way, and the perfect timing of our babies. xoxo
This is awesome – I have never thought to ask, “What are you doing?” instead of “Why?” The Holy Spirit was definitely at work in you – that’s great insight.
Love this post as it is so so relatable and you express it so well! Thanks!
thanks girlie! We were leaving church today and I think she said it three times. lol
You have such a great perspective! This is a great reminder to all of us not to question God’s why, but to have faith in his decisions and what he has in store for us. Your fiat is truly inspirational.
thanks girlie! I was thinking about the “why” question again today when the three year old we are keeping for a bit kept asking me “why”. I was getting frustrated and then got to thinking how God must feel each time we ask him “why” over and over. Thanks for your kind words! I hope you have a great Valentine’s Day 🙂 xoxo
I love and admire your faith.
thank you! It doesn’t come easy that’s fo’sho!
Reblogged this on Project Baby Steps and commented:
This is probably one of the greatest infertility blogs I have read yet! EVERY thought and emotion that has gone through my mind is described perfectly in her writing…From my wrestling with my feelings of extreme jealousy when others get pregnant so easily to my anger and resentment towards God for never allowing things to go my way… It’s a roller coaster ride and I felt the need to share…
yay! Thank you so much for your sweet compliments and words of support/encouragement! I’m glad you found me because now I have found you and can join with you on your journey too 🙂 xo
This is my first time here and I absolutely LOVE your blog. VERY well written!
Ahhh, thank you! xo
I too an guilty of asking why why why? This really hit home, and made me cry, because for a moment I was in Walmart doing exactly as you were, wondering why not us? Thanks for the reassurance that everything will come when the time is right!
I am so thankful that this has helped you. Every time I am somewhere and start to get those feelings, I just think back to this post. God is faithful and I just need to trust in Him completely that He will restore double for our trouble.
So, WordPress suggested this post the other day after I read one of your Goldilocks posts and I just wanted to tell you that there were several, SEVERAL, times this weekend when it helped me. I caught myself asking “why” when I saw the pregnant lady at the grocery store, the mom with the herd of kids at the restaurant and the squeeling baby in Church…and each time, when my heart was breaking a little more for myself and I was wondering “why she got a baby” I stopped myself and instead asked God “watchin’ doing?” His answer is still unfolding, but He gave me some glimpses this weekend. Anyway, I think there was a reason, even though it’s old, I saw and read this post. Thank you!!
Reblogged this on truthandcourage and commented:
This is relevant for anyone waiting on God. What are you doing… not why. Let this be our question.
Beautiful words and sentiment. I too have the same struggles and ask the question often of “why she got a baby”. Thank you for sharing.
Your article is right on! I faced infertility and learned these things. It taught me how to pray. It taught me the value of others prayers. It brought me to a relationship with God. I was 2 years infertile. I was blessed with my first pregnancy. Then 6 years infertile. I got pregnant and miscarried. I was in despair but 4 months later my second daughter was conceived on my birthday. 10 months later while still breast-feeding and on my very next cycle I was pregnant again. I call my son the double portion…aka as Grant. Now I am awaiting the birth of my first grandchild. Don’t give up! God sees your tears! Love and prayers!
Wow!! Your testimony is amazing! Thank you for sharing!
I always read your post. I love this one, Elisha! I wish I had been a Christian when I was younger because I too had a struggle with pregnancy. I suffered 2 miscarriages. My first and my third pregnancies. I do understand that loss. I did carry my 2nd and 4th pregnancies to full term and I have 2 grown sons with children of their own now. How the miscarriages effected my husband even more than me was that he did not want to try for more children. He was afraid that we would lose another one or that something would be wrong. So, we didn’t have any other children. I think I would have liked to have more. I just wanted to say I understand as well as I can and that I wish I would have known to ask Father God, “whatcha doing?” when I was younger. I needed to hear that from Him, too.
Thank you so much for sharing a bit of your story!! I just can’t imagine all that you went through! Lots of hugs to you!
God never ceases to amaze me. I asked my self this question today as my dear friend works for the state placing foster children everyday in homes even if it is for a night. Today they needed to place a newborn who was the child of a drug addict. I know this post is five years old but it’s exactly what I needed as we take a small break in our journey to refocus and remember that it’s all on his timing. 💓