What is it you want?

While I was making Valentine Day gift bags to send out to a few of my friends (be on the look out ladies), our cute 34 inch tall house guest for the next couple of months (see her story here) came running into the dining room asking me one of her favorite questions, “Whatcha doin?”  I smiled and responded with something of the sorts, “Oh, just making some Valentine’s Day gifts for a few friends.”  She looked a bit puzzled, so I asked her what she would like for Valentine’s Day.  Without hesitation, she shouted, “A BABY!”  I couldn’t help but stare into space as her answer echoed in my head.  All I could muster out of my mouth was, “Me too sugars.  Me too.”

I want a babyHer two words, “A BABY” took me back to Valentine’s Day 2012.  Tears began to fill my eyes as I remembered that two years ago, on Valentine’s Day, I was scheduled to have my first beta HCG blood work test in order to see if our first round of injections and timed intercourse worked.  I remember being fully confident.  The doctors knew my problem, gave me medicine to fix the problem, and we did the “bada bing, bada boom” at just the right time.  My thoughts two years ago:  Why wouldn’t this work?  It had to work.

I was so excited with the possibility of telling the hubs that I was pregnant on Valentine’s Day, but as it turned out, I woke up on February 13th with calendar day 1.  For those of you who are new or unfamiliar with this terminology…My menstrual cycle had started.  I wasn’t pregnant.  It didn’t work.  $2400 wasted.  I was devastated.  I remember just lying around that evening, not even able to cry.  I was numb.

Fast forward to now, two years later, and I would have never imagined I would have the same wish for Valentine’s Day 2014.  With the words of a three-year old, “A BABY!” still ringing in my head, my mind wandered to memories of the past (failed treatments), to thoughts of the present (unbalanced hormones and crazy cycles), to my future (when will this end?  What will next Valentine’s Day look like?). UGH!

I felt myself sink into the pit I knew all too well.  You know the pit I’m talking about.  It’s the one in which your mind jumps from worry, to fear, to anxiety, to questioning God’s plan, to why me, to just…UGH…pure craziness!  Refusing to let my thoughts overtake me and drag me down (especially since the hubs was gone at a meeting and I needed to hold it together for the lil one), I prayed and asked God to throw me a rope.  I needed to climb out fast!

As I continued to work on the gifts in a daze, the beautiful, brown-eyed house guest, with the curly blonde hair continued to watch me and then out of no where, she started giggling at absolutely nothing.  Her cute giggle somehow snapped me out of the self-pity pit I had thrown myself into and I remembered Isaiah 9:1.

Nevertheless, that time of darkness and despair will not go on forever.” ~Isaiah 9:1 

No matter who we are or what challenges there are in life,  there is always a “nevertheless”–some positive thing we can look at or talk about that brings the rest of life into perspective.  It can be our rope to get out of the “pit”.  So with my lil house guest by my side, I decided to make a list of “nevertheless” and say them out loud.  Here was my list..

1.  I may not have children currently, nevertheless, it gives me time to make awesome memories with my hubby that I can eventually share with my future baby birds. (I don’t want memories of while I am waiting to be mostly about how I just sat around sulking.  Those memories will not give me the “cool parent” award and it makes for boring pictures on the wall…just sayin)

2.  I may not have children right now, nevertheless, it is giving me more time to plan and save so that I will be more prepared and I won’t be as financially stressed when they do arrive.  I.LOVE.PLANNING.

3.  I may not have been able to get pregnant for the past two years (and counting), nevertheless, God has used this period of waiting to refine me and strengthen my hope and faith in Him.

4.  I don’t ovulate or have regular cycles, nevertheless, when I do become pregnant, despite all of these crazy hormones and out of whack cycles, God will get more glory from my story.

5.  My plans of when I wanted to get pregnant have all fallen through, nevertheless, God has used what I see as a delay, to train, test, and help me trust Him more.  His plans are better than my plans.  His ways are higher than my ways.

6.  All of my friends and family members are having babies, nevertheless, they will have lots of advice and “hand me downs” whenever it is my turn.  WINNING!

7. It’s SUPER DIFFICULT for me to get pregnant, nevertheless, because of my own personal struggles, I am much more sympathetic towards others who struggle in this area. Also, infertility has enabled me to point others to God, who is the source of my confident hope.  Hope from Him is what sustains me and gives me the strength I need to remain in faith and persevere during these tough times of waiting.

Living with a nevertheless attitudeAs I said each “nevertheless” out loud, I climbed higher and higher.  Without even realizing it, I discovered I was back to being  hopeful and full of contentment again.  The tears were gone, I was joyful in my situation, and I was feeling confident that God had the perfect plan.  While feeling thankful to be out of the pit, I looked down at my house guest and realized that if I had gotten my positive beta two years ago, I would have missed out on one other important “nevertheless” and that is her precious giggles and all the other precious giggles from the children whom we have had the honor of caring for over the past two years in the Safe Families for Children Program.

Why don’t you try it?  The next time you are tempted to fall into the self-pity pit, or complain when things aren’t what you had imagined or hoped, go ahead and state your complaint, but then say out loud, “nevertheless”, and find something positive about your circumstance to offset the complaint.  In return, you will find yourself no longer in the pit, but above the pit.  Enjoy life.  Make an effort to see how God is using your lemons to make lemonade.

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46 thoughts on “What is it you want?

  1. I really love your nevertheless list. None of us asked to have this happen, but we truly do need to make the best of what we were handed. Hoping you will be able to make that special announcement soon though 🙂

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    • Thank ya! I am sure if I had more time to think of them, I could have come up with some more…but I just started rambling while we cut, glued, and tied. LOL! It worked 🙂

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  2. Love this Elisha! It’s so hard when you look back at dates and as the years go on with no baby, but you are wise to lean on God during those hard moments and remember the blessings He has given you and used in this circumstance. You are a blessing to so many and you are going to be an awesome mama to your baby birds!

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    • awwe thanks sugars! I’m almost positive that if she hadn’t continued to stand there watching me, I would have cried, continued to stew on the “what if’s” and the “why me’s” but I knew that I couldn’t do that with her around. The only thing I knew do to was pray! lol! The whole time I was praying she just continued to look at me at puzzled. haha! She was probably giggling because she had NO clue who I was talking too. haha!

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  3. Love your list!!! It ruins the whole point of trials when we don’t make the most of them!! So encouraged that you do and love that this sweet girl is speaking prophetically! Yes sweet girl, A baby 🙂

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    • hmmm…according to my usual 50 plus day cycles, I shouldn’t even consider a positive pregnancy test around Valentine’s Day, but I just might have to take one anyway since she wants a baby…of course she was referring to me buying her a new baby doll but I’ll take the real thing 🙂 hehe

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  4. Sometimes it makes it so much more real if we can speak those important words aloud. It’s actually a counseling technique I’ve used! Our words have so much power when they are transformed from thoughts into actual verbalization. Thanks for the great reminder about that!

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    • I totally agree! The Bible always said to SPEAK…not just think so I pray out loud, speak scripture outloud, everything. I read Change your words, change your life by Joyce Meyer. Have you read it? It’s fabulous!

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  5. Praying for you during this time! I remember those feelings all too well! You WILL have that baby one day. Praying your Valentine’s Day this year is full of hugs and kisses from your mister, reminding you of the amazing, strong, and fearless women you are! Because you can’t be weak during times like this. God knew that we could handle this and gave it to us knowing we would come out on top with God’s glory to show for it. Praying for you friend!

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  6. Thanks for this uplifting story. Never the less shows up often in the Bible and it usually means that God is about to do something more than we could ever expect or imagine! I am confident that God is going to use this time to prepare you to be an even more amazing mom than you would be already (which is already pretty awesome!) I love how just speaking the Word can change the ways we deal with situations!

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  7. This is amazing, Elisha. Your attitude and positive faith is such an encouragement to me. I have so much growing to do in that area, but you are an inspiration! (And thank you for the note pad and note You are so sweet. Too sweet, truly. A thoughtful and kind friend. xoxo!)

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    • I’m so glad you got it!! I saw those notepads an KNEW I had to buy them! They were perfect!! LOVE YOU and I pray daily for your miracle to arrive soon and suddenly! xox

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  8. Nevertheless, your Author, wrote a story. The best story ever! One filled with romance, comedy, happiness, sadness, tragedy, hope, longing, faith, hope and patience. But most of all, for a child of God, a happy ending in his time. Chapter after chapter the pages turn, trusting the author and awaiting that twist at the end. Praying for your happily ever after my friend!

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  9. Aww the sweet innocence of childeren! I love the nethertheless idea! I was going to try and choose my favorite one of yours but I love them all. Glad you found your peace and contentment again- I feel my best when I am in a place of peace. Praying that 2014 is your year!

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    • oh i am so glad! I wrote it today and wasn’t going to “publish” until tomorrow morning, but I just felt a tugging to do it tonight. I’m so thankful I did if it meant helping you out. hugs!

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  10. I may just steal your nevertheless list. Thank you for sharing this. …and that little 3 year old sounds like she is as cute as can be. I hope you have a wonderful valentine’s day 🙂

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  11. Love this! Once again your words have encouraged me! Nevertheless! I think I will just post that word all over my desk at work and at home!

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    • YES! Put it everywhere!! Just the other night I had put her to bed and I guess I left my phone on the dresser. (I didn’t know this) She kept crying (more of a whine/fake cry) and we let it go on for a bit…I did check on her and encourage her to go back to bed, etc. After about an hour, I could tell my hubby was getting annoyed and I said I was going to go in there and just hold in until she fell asleep. Neither of us wanted to start this habit and he was really against the idea. When I went in there and turned on the light, that’s when I noticed my phone. If I hadn’t gone in there to get her, my alarm would have woke her up bright and early at 6:00am! YIKES!! I remember coming out of the room and saying, “Yes she was crying, whining, and throwing a fit, nevertheless, because of it, I discovered my phone was left in her room.” haha! You could use that word for just about anything going wrong in life. I love it!

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  12. You’re just amazing! Every time I drop by here I get a lift! ‘Nevertheless’ will be a very frequently used word from now on. And I will always be fiercely rooting for you, my friend! Love and hugs

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    • Thank you sugars!!! NEVERTHELESS is by far my favorite word right now too! I think I said it three times last night in regards to things that were going wrong (dinner not cooking right…the cake spilling in the car…and lil miss priss getting up every hour last night). LOL! It really did keep my mind focused on the positive! xoxoxo!

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  13. A scripture comes to mind as I read this blog … Perhaps He is stirring it in my heart for you … So just in case it is for you, I’d better share it lol 😊
    1 Peter 5:10
    Blessings,
    Natalie 😁

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    • wow thanks for sharing! It’s definetly from God. When I orginally started this blog and the HOPE support group out of my home a woman from my church came to me and said that a scripture was given to her (for me) from Isaiah and it basically said that I would be refined in the furnace of affliction (suffering). So this verse was perfect. Thank you for being so obedient! I LOVE IT!! xoxox

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      • Praise God … Oh He is so good … Keep pressing into Him and allowing intimacy with Papa to define who you are and where you are going. May He bless you, today, with an increased measure of Him to walk forward in all He has for you.
        Much love … Natalie 😊

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  14. Pingback: What if each complaint cost you a dollar? | waiting for baby bird

  15. Pingback: “You bought me that?” | waiting for baby bird

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