Crazy. That’s what I am sure most people who read “Our Infertility Story“ or scroll through my blog posts think. It’s hard to fathom God actually speaking to a person and promising them a child…but not just a child…but a child with a specific name and meaning. I don’t blame people for thinking, “This girl is crazy!” or “I hope she isn’t disappointed… (accompanied by an eye roll)” because it’s even hard for me to wrap my brain around on some days. But as strange as it all sounds, the strangest part to me is that even though it has been over a year, I can still hear His voice whispering the name Josiah like it was yesterday, and it makes me go absolutely crazy.
There are two definitions for crazy. The first one is to be mentally deranged, especially as manifested in a wild or aggressive way. The second definition is to be extremely enthusiastic. While most people would describe my beliefs with the first definition, I like to use the second. I’m extremely enthusiastic when it comes to my baby bird. I’m constantly thinking about that day when I will see the double lines, and if I’m driving down the road, you can bet your entire savings account that I’m envisioning myself holding him after giving birth and Daniel weeping with joy. I can’t even walk by our spare bedroom (nursery room) and not imagine him playing with all of the cool toys that I know I will go overboard in buying. (Which reminds me, I better start saving now.)
I’m absolutely crazy, and at times, I feel like the only crazy one. Walking by faith and sharing my story with others can sometimes make me feel lonely, and as a result, the enthusiastic “crazy” I feel turns into more of the first definition where I think I am mentally deranged. I look around and wonder what my parents, family members, and friends think. If I were honest, I am too scared to know. But this Christmas, I realized that I’m not the only crazy one about Josiah.
I always knew Daniel believed in me, and I really never questioned whether he thought I was the mentally deranged “crazy,” as I mentioned above. Still, I never knew if he was as enthusiastically crazy about the baby bird as I am until he gave us both a gift on Christmas. I purchased Josiah a present this year, and you can read about it here, but Daniel also bought him something, and it felt so good to see that he was also thinking of our baby bird. It wasn’t a fancy gift or something randomly off the shelf like a toy, but rather something from the heart. It represented our family and the values and morals we hope to instill into our baby bird…his first Bible.
And for me? Daniel bought something that I can look at every day; a reminder of what God has promised us. It will help me to press on, move forward, and never give up. The gift is a symbol of the faith that he has in me and our God. It is a necklace with the initial “J” stamped on a baby bird hanging down from a tree branch. It is perfect, and I love it!
It is not surprising that we are both a little crazy for Josiah, but as it turns out, we are not the only crazy ones (and goodness, I am relieved). My dad seems to be just as crazy as we are. I always wonder what my parents think of all this “Josiah” talk. Do they think I am mentally deranged crazy?! They are Christians without a doubt and believe whole heartily that God speaks to us, but sometimes I never know if they “support” me because I am their child and they feel like they have too, or because I played the “God told me” card and who is going to tell a person (especially their child), “God didn’t tell you that!” Therefore they have no other choice but to go along and nod their heads. These thoughts are always lingering in the back of my mind. But this Christmas, my dad surprised me by showing his crazy love for Josiah…
My amazing father made him a beautifully handcrafted step stool. I tear up every time I look at this gift because I know he put so much time, though, and love into making it extra special. I can picture Josiah stepping upon it to brush his teeth in his cute footy pajamas or standing on it to wash his hands after finger painting. It is beautiful. But the most beautiful part is what he wrote underneath…
Josiah: God supports. God heals
Psalm 40 “I waited patiently on the Lord, and He heard my cry. He lifted me out of the dirt and gave me a firm place to stand.”
So as it turns out, I’m not the only crazy one for Josiah, and it makes traveling this journey of walking by faith not feel so lonely. Also, I know that God is pleased by our strong belief and crazy enthusiasm for what we can’t even see and have no physical proof for what we believe.
Hebrews 11:6 says that without faith, it is impossible to please God; therefore, I encourage anyone who believes in a miracle (whatever it may be) this coming year to go crazy. I want you to get enthusiastically crazy with your faith, even if you do look a little “mentally deranged” and feel like you are the only one.
If you are not waiting on a miracle but know someone who is and you believe in them, then don’t hesitate to share your crazy faith by offering a word of encouragement, sending a card, or even a small act of faith gift to them. It’s always nice to know other people are “crazy” with you.
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This is so special! You are so lucky to have such supportive and uplifting loved ones!
Thank you! I am feeling very blessed and they both helped soften the blow of not having a lil one around the table yesterday. I’m very thankful for sure!
How amazing! What a gift!!
I agree!! Merry Christmas!
Oh, Elisha! You are so NOT crazy…well, not in the deranged way, anyway! LOL! God promised me a baby of our own in December of 1991, as I was lying flat on the floor (literally), tears streaming…splashing the floor….praying and begging God to please spare my Dad’s life. He was very seriously ill at the time. Out of the blue, God gave me the promise of a baby. We had already been married for 2 1/2 years, at that point, and we were struggling with infertility issues. For years, after that night, we kept waiting and trying to keep our faith and hope alive. After seeing four doctors, we were finally left with the medical assessment that there was little to no hope of us ever having a baby of our own. I cannot begin to tell you how broken I felt as I left the 4th doctor’s office with the realization that unless God intervened, our dreams were forever shattered. The promise God had made me in ’91 was the furthest thing from my mind that day. The thing is, God never makes a promise He doesn’t keep. Whether we believe or not. His Word is forever settled in Heaven, and it will be fulfilled just as He says it will. In April of 2000, completely unexpected by us, I found out I was expecting! HOW? There is no other explanation than that God chose to open my womb…temporarily…for a moment…to allow me to conceive. Late that December, nine years after God made the promise, He sent its fulfillment in the form of a precious, healthy son, whom we chose to name Zachary. I cannot begin to express the joy and complete happiness we both felt as we finally held the evidence of our faith in our physical arms! Praise God forever! When we picked out the name, I had no idea what the name meant until one day I was looking at names in a Christian bookstore. I was dumbfounded when I saw that Zachary literally means, “The Lord remembers.” All I could think of was that night on the floor all those years ago, and how God had made me that promise and how He never forgot…even though I put it out of my mind, fought bitterness towards Him sometimes, and just believed it would never happen. I say all of that to say this….never give up on your personal promise from God! He has given you His Word. He WILL fulfill it. In His time. No matter how long it takes, it will happen. I was SO touched by your husband’s gift for little Josiah and the precious gift from your Dad. How blessed you are to have this support and encouragement. Keep trusting God! A miracle is on its way to you, my sweet friend! Love, Cheryl
wow! I love your story! This is very encouraging to me and I will be sharing your testimony to the other women in my HOPE infertility small group if you don’t mind?.
No matter how long it takes, I won’t give up on seeing the “unseen” because I always think back to the Israelites. God promised them a land flowing with milk and honey but they refused to believe and they missed out. :/ I have the promise and I have the vision. I won’t let the devil take it from me.
I would love it if you share our story. To God be all the glory! I would love for someone else to find hope and know that nothing is impossible with God! I am glad you are resolved to hold fast and not allow the enemy any ground. We are more than conquerors through Him Who loves us, praise His name! Hugs to you, Cheryl
I love this post so much! What precious gifts your family already has given to baby Josiah. Nothing is impossible for God and we’re crazy to think otherwise! Lots of love!
Thanks sugars!! You right! We would be crazy to think otherwise! Thanks for the encouraging words. I hope you had a great Christmas half way around the world 😉
That’s so sweet! I experienced some similar gifts (in the form of words) from my own dad, and one from my aunt, showing their support for myself and hubby. I still tear up thinking about the conversation I had on Christmas Eve with my dad. I’ll share I blog form later.
oh I can’t wait to hear all about it!!!
How sweet! I love that everyone is “crazy” for him already. That necklace is adorable. I have been eyeballing one similar for some time. So perfect for you guys. I hope you had a wonderful Christmas!!!
Thank you! I love the necklace too 🙂 I hope you had a great Christmas as well 🙂
I just love this! How sweet of your husband- what a thoughtful gift! Merry Christmas!
Thank you! I thought it was super thoughtful and sweet. I hope you had a great Christmas!!
I love the necklace! What a very thoughtful gift! Merry Christmas to you both!
I often think about doing things with Josiah or I see (in my minds eye) him playing in the bedroom, digging into the toy box…So you’re not the only crazy one. Love you!
and you just made my eye make up run!! I heart you sugars!! Thanks for the beautiful necklace and all the support you give me! MUAH!
Made me cry. As vocal as I am on here about our journey, we are a lot more silent in our real lives… Almost to the point where it’s the elephant in the room. I love and am inspired by the support and love you get from your family. I’m sure you do, but cherish that FOREVER. You should print these blogs and make a book to give to Josiah when he’s old enough. ❤️
Printing them out is a good idea. I was actually thinking yesterday what would happen if the whole blog got deleted some how. I don’t have a back up :/ Some of my journals have little notes here and there that have turned into blogs but other than that, this is it. I def think you should be more open about it. For almost a year I held everything inside…even what I had heard from God. The bible is right when it says the truth shall set you free! I feel so much more at ease than ever before and I kind of like it now that people see my struggles. It will make it more awesome and God will get more glory when they see what He has brought me out from. I am praying and believing with you girl!! Keep hoping! Keep believing! God loves to bless His children!
Lovely—just all of it, so heartening and beautiful.
thank you! I hope you had a great Christmas in the mountains. Can you share your gluten free cookie recipe?
Ha! Yes, of course. Don’t let me forget! I’m sending a reminder email to myself right now…
This is so special. I am in awe of your strength. I’ve been so ashamed to show my ‘crazy’ love for the two little ones I’ve lost, and I’m even more hesitant to show my ‘crazy’ love for the one we know god will give us. Your boldness has really inspired me. God is faithful, even in waiting. Love your heart! You are extremely lucky to have so much support from your family! Lots of love and Merry Christmas! Xox
Oh I didn’t use to be this “Crazy”haha. In fact, I kept God’s promise of Josiah and my belief that He would give me children all to myself (except my hubby of course), but I read over the verses in James one day about faith without works is dead…I can say to myself all day long that I believe in Josiah and God’s promises, but faith acts and speaks. I was convicted to start talking about and acting as if Josiah was here already because without faith, it is impossible to please God. Above all, child or no child, I want to please Him. I encourage you to get crazy girl!! It feels funny at first, but then it just becomes normal to ya 🙂
You are definitely meet the enthusiastic definition of crazy, but in a very good way! I have no doubt God spoke to you, and I think being able to hear Him is SUCH a gift. When you hear it, you know it, and it’s unquestionable. Not everyone experiences that, and the fact you do is pretty special! Secondly, um…is your dad open to adopting any grown children? That stool seriously made me tear up. The thought he put into that…just WOW! I can tell he is one sweet man. You are so blessed!
I know it was soo sweet of him! I’m very lucky and I have a feeling the grandchildren will be a tad bit spoiled in the future 🙂 hehe!
O Wow! That is so awesome! Its so good to hear God’s voice and it sure helps to keep the faith if you can hold on to His promises! I’m sure it won’t be long now before you see those wonderful 2 lines!
thank you! I’m hoping it wont be too much longer 🙂
After reading this post, I can only think of the movie Facing the Giants and the quote “Prepare for rain,” as we have discussed before. You’re not mentally deranged. No where near it. You know what you are? Preparing for rain. A glorious shower of rain! ❤️
Amen!! You are so right! Thank you always for your sweet encouragement and support. xo
A friend shared this post today. And I needed to read it. While I’m not waiting for a Baby Bird, I’m waiting for a Godly man to share life’s ups and downs with. This post reminded me that I’m not “crazy” to believe that God has the perfect man made just for me and He will bring him in my life when He knows I’m ready. Until then, He is preparing my heart for him, and his heart for me.
Sometimes the wait… Waiting for God’s timing and not my own, drives me CRAZY!
Thank you, Elisha. You are not the only crazy one. 🙂