I Quit!

A woman in the crowd had suffered twelve years with constant bleeding.  She had suffered a great deal from many doctors and over the years she had spent everything she had to pay them, but she had gotten no better.  In fact, she had gotten worse. She had heard about Jesus, so she came up behind him through the crowd and touched his robe.  For she thought to herself, “If I can just touch his robe, I will be healed.”  Immediately the bleeding stopped, and she could feel in her body that she had been healed of her terrible condition. ~ Mark 5:25-20 NLT

Can you imagine hemorrhaging continuously for 12 years?  Medical science had no answer and money to pay for expensive medication had run dry. She was suffering both physically and emotionally.  Everything she had tried in her own efforts had failed and she was no better, but worse.

Have you ever done every thing naturally and even spiritually speaking and still hadn’t received your breakthrough?  You are still sick?  Still childless?  Still sitting in a financial mess?  You sit back and think, “What am I doing wrong?”  I am a logical person and think that when I do “this” plus “this” it should equal “that”, right?  But what do you do when “this” plus “this” doesn’t equal “that”?

The woman was sick for twelve years!  She had spent all that she had, so not only was she sick, but she was broke.  Have you ever had an attack that came upon everything in your life?  An attack that not only steals your joy, but your peace too?  It steals your financial stability, your family relationships, your identity, your marriage, your job, and possibly your relationship with God?  Have you ever been in that kind of fight?

How do you tell yourself while in the middle of your fight that there is still hope things could change?  How do you tell yourself that it’s not always going to be like this and today might be the day it will all change even when everything around you is telling you screaming at you otherwise?  How do you continue when it just seems to be getting worse and God’s silence is to the point of crushing you?  How do you continue when you come to the end of your rope, and like this woman, you just feel “spent”?  I am this woman… I am “spent”…

A Journal entry from not long ago…

I can’t do this anymore.  I have tried everything from IVF, Metformin, taking numerous vitamins, exercising seven days a week, reducing my carb intake, charting, timing, ovulation prediction kits, and using a $200 fertility monitor.  I have done everything the doctors have told me to do (including Dr. Google) and nothing has worked.  So I have switched to doing everything I know to do spiritually.  I have been praying, fasting, declaring, not speaking negative, expecting with hope, praying harder, and fasting some more, but I still haven’t received what you have promised me.  I know all the verses and I have spoken all the verses in faith, yet nothing has happened. Am I missing something?  I have been obedient to your word and if you told me that I had to stand on my head for five minutes every hour for the next 365 days I would do it.   In fact, I would do it with my head in the ground.  I am worse physically and emotionally today than when I started this journey.  I am spent.  I quit.  I don’t quit hoping and believing in You and Your promises, but I quit striving and I quit fighting this battle.  I.am.exhausted.

It wasn’t long after writing the words “I quit fighting this battle”, that God spoke to my heart and said, “Good.  Now will you let me do the fighting?  Much of the breakthrough you are waiting on hasn’t come yet because you have too much faith in your ability rather than My ability.” Ouch!!  I realized in that moment that there are things that only God can do and every time I fight it, He has to stop fighting it.  Every time I put my hands on my situation, every time I try to fix it,  He has to take His hands off it. It is not until I am completely done in my own striving, my own efforts (whether it is doing things in the natural or spiritual) and give it fully over to Him, that He can make something beautiful out of it.

I have realized two things.  First, that there are certain doors man cannot open and only God can.  Second, if I am not careful, the breakthrough I am trying to manufacture, in the time frame I am wanting it to happen, will leave me more of a mess physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

The women with the issue of blood came to the end of herself and realized the only way it could turn around was through Jesus.  She had turned away from herself and her own efforts by allowing God to be her vindicator and on that day in my journal entry, God was asking to be my vindicator.  He wanted to fight for me.  He wanted me to just stop and rest.  He wanted me quiet and He wanted me still.  Does this mean I will stop praying?  Stop seeking?  Stop knocking?  No.  This means I will no longer be doing it in my strength, but in His strength and His power. 

When you stop all of the frantic activity to try to fix your situations and rest, God is then able to come in and save you.

Exodus 14:14 says, “The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.”  As people, when God does not do what He needs to do in the time frame that we need Him to do it, we tell ourselves we are going to help Him. Our flesh screams, “Do something!” But God is saying, “Be still!  Allow me to do the fighting!”  Today, I am at rest in quietness and trust.  Today I wait for God, my vindicator, as He fights for me.

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15 thoughts on “I Quit!

    • It’s a daily thing…each day my flesh screams…”Do something!” but I have to remember that if I do, He will stop fighting for me and then let me try. He is a much better fighter than me.

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  1. Thank you. I do need to give in and let Him do the fighting now. I keep trying, thinking I am helping my situation for the better…but you’re right…I need to just give it all up to Him and He will show me the way 🙂 xoxo

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  2. Thank you so much for this reminder! It is such a natural, easy thing for me to try and control what I can, everyday I need to be reminded to place my faith, all of my trust and relinquish control because God has perfect timing and great plans, better than my own even when I can’t see it! You’re an inspiration Elisha! Thank you!

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    • You are right! It is so natural and it’s so hard to not think God needs “a little help” hehe. Everyday I battle with the “maybe i should do something”…and when I do that’s when I find myself worn out and tired physically, emotionally, and spiritually. You are an inspiration to me as well!!!!!!

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    • Thanks for reading 🙂 Yes God loves to step in and take care of everything for us because that’s what a good daddy does. That’s why He said to cast all of our cares upon Him because He cares for us. I love that!

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    • amen! I am an independent control person…I feel like if I’m not in control then it won’t go right. But who am I kidding when it comes to God. I have to stop and remind myself that He knows best and can handle it just fine. it’s a daily reminder :/

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  3. Another wonderful post! I think I suffer from “fussing” over my situation with my own hands too much. Time to kick my feet up and read the books that are sagging my shelf!

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    • amen!! I have no doubt that we will have children. For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly.

      He didn’t create us to multiply and then take it away. That is the work of the devil and God will always prevail. Thanks so much for your encouraging words!! I am praying for you and your miracle baby right now 🙂

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