Tear Soaked Pillow

I was lying in bed and I couldn’t sleep; therefore, I started thinking about Thanksgiving. It was an innocent thought about where we were going, what I was going to bring to eat, and if someone was going to make macaroni and cheese.

Then that thought led to “what did we do last year?” I started thinking about last Thanksgiving and how I told myself “this time next year we will have a baby.” But, it’s “this time next year” and we don’t. We are still childless. This is when I said to myself once more, “this time next year, we will have a baby.” But that’s when it happened; a thought snuck in which said, “what makes you think next year will be different?”

And friends, that’s when my pillows became soaked with my tears.

It’s amazing how one small thought can lead you down the path of destruction in your mind and start to make you question everything you believe. One little thought can turn into a billion little thoughts and when rolled up together they can entangle you with fear, worry, doubt, and unbelief all in a matter of seconds. This is why 2 Corinthians 10:5 tells us to “take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” 

While laying there and trying really hard not to cry so hard as to shake the bed, I was reminded of the story in 2 Chronicles Chapter 20 when the Moabites, Ammonites, and the Meunites came against Jehoshaphat in battle and he began to fear.

Last night my “-ites” started as one and then mounted to many… I had the “fear-ites”, the “another Thanksgiving without a baby-ites”, the “PCOS-ites”, the “I’m getting weary-ites”, the “I hope my brother doesn’t announce he and his wife are expecting-ites”, the “when is this going to end-ites”, “worry-ites”, the “doubting God-ites” and the list goes on.

But as the story goes, after Jehoshaphat began to feel the depths of his discouragement, he immediately sought the Lord to hear from Him. I needed to be like Jehoshaphat; I needed to seek the Lord and hear from Him again. Therefore, as I continued to lay there and talk to God, I was reminded of all of His promises. I was reminded of His goodness, His unfailing love and faithfulness. I started whispering them out loud and thanking Him for everything He is doing in my life that I can see and for the things for which I cannot see. I reminded myself of when He told me I would have a son and to name him Josiah (which means Jehovah healed) and also of the moment when a woman in our church (who didn’t know me or my story) looked at me and blurted out with such enthusiasm…“God said you will have a son!” I also began reminding myself of the scriptures in which God has given me healing through His Son Jesus. And friend, it was as I did this that I started to sense all of the “-ites” become smaller and smaller, and God’s Word become greater and greater.

Sometimes we don’t take every thought captive as soon as it enters into our minds, but once we recognize the “-ites” that are winning the battle, we need to stop. We need to calm down, collect ourselves and seek the Lord. We need to get back to the word He has given us; the one that first filled us with excitement and gave us hope.

Sweet friend, I encourage you to take every thought captive that is not obedient to what the Word of God says. The enemy is a liar and the father of all lies. But God? He cannot lie and His promises are sure; therefore, no matter what “-ites” come your way, no matter what weapon formed against you by the enemy, God is and always will be faithful to perform His Word. Together, we must believe and remain steadfast for we inherit the promises of God through faith and patience (Hebrews 6:12).  My breakthrough is coming. And your breakthrough is also coming.

“Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.” Psalm 30:5

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