Let me liken waiting and God to tomatoes and tomato seeds, are you ready? Here it goes: I’m hangry (hungry+angry=hangry) and all I can think about is eating a big, fat, juicy BLT sandwich (with lots of mayonnaise). But the one problem is this, I need a tomato. So, I go ask my father for one and he hands me tomato seeds. Tomato seeds?! What am I going to do with tomato seeds?! His reply,“Plant them and you will have your tomato. In fact, plant all of these seeds and you will have lots of tomatoes.” But I want my sandwich now, and I need my tomato now–I don’t want to wait!
I believe that sometimes this is how God is with our blessings. We come to Him with our requests, but we don’t always receive them in the time frame or manner that we would like to receive them. This causes us to be impatient, frustrated, angry, bitter and doubtful. If we are not careful, all of these emotions can cause us to either give up on, or let go of God all together.
“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us,”Ephesians 3:20 (NIV)
When it comes to my request for a baby, I have learned that God doesn’t just want to give me a baby; but He wants me healed, restored, walking in peace, strengthened in my faith, joyful in my hope and trusting in His character so that I can start sharing “my blessings” with others.
He knows that if I am healed from all things causing infertility, then I can go forth and have all the babies that I want. I ultimately wouldn’t have to keep looking to outside resources or drown in my own downward spiraling emotions because I have been restored and made new; and as a result I can give Him glory and share with others the faithfulness and miraculous power of God.
I used to ask God why He hasn’t fulfilled His promise to me yet, but I no longer have to ask Him this question as often because I am finally at a place in my walk where it doesn’t matter. I know that my promise is coming if I continue to have hope and have faith in Him. I am also no longer bitter as to why my IVF failed because when I look back over the course of the year since that happened, I have learned to know the strength that He gives me when I am weak, the faith that I have when I don’t see the next step forward, and the love and forgiveness that He has shown me when I doubted and questioned His character.
I realize that He could have given me a baby months ago, even years ago, and I could’ve had all that I wanted, or thought that I wanted; but I wouldn’t have known Him. And that would have been my loss.
So while I haven’t been given my “tomato,” He has given me seeds (peace, joy, love, courage, hope, and wisdom) and as I plant those seeds in my heart, I am reaping a harvest more than what I ever asked or imagined.
If you are in a waiting season, I encourage you to not despise it. Let Jesus be the center of it all. The center of your agenda, the center of your time frame, and your wants. After all, He is wanting to do a work in you and through you that goes far above just giving you a baby. He wants to show up and show out and give you abundantly and exceedingly far more than you can dream or imagine; which friend, doesn’t include just a tomato, but rather seeds of healing, peace, and restoration so that you can have tomatoes upon tomatoes….blessings upon blessings.
Sweet friend, will you surrender and let Him be the center of it all? Will allow Him to do a complete work in your life? I hope so. Because it’s worth it. Here is a poem I stumbled across that has blessed me as I wait. I pray it does the same for you.
By: Russel Kelfer
Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried.
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, He replied.
I pleaded, and I wept for a clue to my fate,
And the Master so gently said, “Child, you must wait.”
“Wait? You say wait?” my indignant reply.
“Lord, I need answers, I need to know why.
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I’m claiming your Word.
“My future, and all to which I can relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me ‘wait’?
I’m needing a ‘yes’, a go-ahead sign,
Or even a ‘no’, to which I can resign.
“And Lord, you have promised that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I’ve been asking and this is my cry;
I’m weary of asking: I need a reply!”
Then quietly, softly I learned of my fate
As my Master replied once again, “You must wait.”
So I slumped in my chair; defeated and taut
And grumbled to God; “So I’m waiting, for what?”
He seemed then to kneel and His eyes met with mine
And He tenderly said, “I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens, darken the sun,
Raise the dead, cause the mountains to run.
“All you see I could give, and pleased you would be.
You would have what you want, but you wouldn’t know Me.
You’d not know the depth of My love for each saint;
You’d not know the power that I give to the faint.
“You’d not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You’d not learn to trust, just by knowing I’m there.
You’d not know the joy of resting in Me,
When darkness and silence was all you could see.
“You would never experience that fullness of love
As the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you’d not know the depth of the beat of My heart.
“The glow of My comfort late in the night;
The faith that I give when you walk without sight;
The depth that’s beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.
“And you never would know, should your pain quickly flee
What it means that ‘My grace is sufficient for thee.’
Yes, your dreams for that loved one o’ernight could come true,
But the loss! If you lost what I’m doing in you.
“So be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to get to know Me.
And though oft’ may My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all…is still…wait.”
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1 thought on “Why God Doesn’t Just Want to Give Me a Baby”
Over the past few days, I have been spending a little bit of time going over your older blog posts. I have read this one several times and even entered most of it into my faith journal. It is a good reminder that we need to wait and trust in God’s timing, even though we want our “tomato” NOW! As I enter my second IUI round, I am trying to get back to the hope and optimism that I had when I first came across your blog, hence why I am going back through the entries with a fine tooth comb 🙂 I am trying to change my frame of mind from “if we ever have a baby” to “when we have another baby”. I need to believe that it is going to happen instead of doubting it. I get so scared to be hopeful because of the let down, but I want to be hopeful and not doubtful. This is my long winded way of saying thank you for reminding me that God is working in me and to not despise this time of waiting, but to embrace it.
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